36 weeks: 4 weeks left!

4 weeks left till lana's due date and one week till full term/maternity leave starts. i'm trying my best to enjoy these last few weeks before lana's here, despite the bodily challenges i am constantly faced with. as my mom keeps saying to me, "you think it's hard now? wait till she's out...and then you'll want her to crawl back in." is the "she" in that sentence referring to lana or me? hmph. and i know i've said this before, but sometimes i forget that being pregnant necessarily means that i'll soon become a mom and have a baby to take care of. or maybe it's not that i forgot, but that i never really got it in the first place. maybe it finally sinks in once you're up at 3am trying to shove your boob into a crying baby's mouth. at least that's how i imagine it. but seriously, once lana's born, i (and sh) will never not be a parent again. sheer craziness. i hope God knows what he's doing! haha.

body is heavier, baby is lower. stretching pains have morphed into stinging pains - the lower side of my belly feels like it's sunburnt and it's super sensitive to the touch. i went to the OB yesterday. i have officially broken the 130 pound threshold - i am now 130.8 pounds (but with clothes on!). holy moly. i know i haven't gained much weight but it's still crazy to see numbers on the scale you've never seen before in your life. i have an ultrasound thursday to estimate the weight of the baby (let's keep it low lana!) and from now on, i go to the doctor once a week so she can check on the progress of my dilation.

i have a question for moms - did your own moms (and maybe MILs) impose a lot of restrictions on you when you had the baby? i'm a little tired of hearing all these old wives' tales (mostly from my aunts) about what you can and can't do after having a baby. i'm trying to be open-minded but there's no freakin' way that i am not showering for up to a month afterwards. i've also heard: don't open the fridge, don't drink cold drinks, don't read, don't sit for too long, eat iron-rich foods 3x a day for a month, don't go outside for a month, don't take baby out for several weeks, etc. i'm not saying all of them are crazy, but it's hard to know what is crap and what might have some truth to it. the pediatrician in our childbirth class did say to keep baby away from crowded public places until 6-8 weeks of age, so that i'm ok with. but moms, if you know from personal experience either way, i'd be glad to hear it. and seriously, koreans can't be the only crazy ones when it comes to this stuff right? right? o_O

bump!

35 weeks (+1 day): 5 weeks to go.

i know i'm super antsy for lana to come out, but i am somewhat appeased that i am now close enough to do a countdown - when people ask "when are you due?" or "how far along are you?" it makes me feel better that i can say "i have 5 weeks left" instead of "35 weeks." it doesn't work quite as well when you're like "oh well i have 18 weeks left."

still, with that said, physically everything is getting harder and harder. i feel ginormous, my hips, back, legs and belly ache and pull, i don't sleep as well, i'm constipated, i can't stand or sit for long periods, etc. as mom friends tell me, this is nature's way of making you totally ready for whatever it takes to get the baby out.

i think what's surprised me the most about pregnancy (in terms of the way my body feels) is how much the legs suffer. you always figure that the belly area and torso will have a lot of the burden to bear, but i didn't realize how hard it is on the legs. i keep thinking of those pre-pregnancy days when i could run around and do whatever i felt like without having to consider my body. i had a freakout moment last night - i came home from work, sat down for dinner, and just stayed seated at the dinner table for a couple hours. after dinner, i chatted with my mom and then played blokus with my cousin. my mom kept telling me to stop playing and go lie down on the couch so i finally did. my legs felt funny once i got to the couch so i looked down and holy moly my legs had swelled up like balloons! my right leg was way worse than my left - i couldn't believe it was my own leg. and my toes looked like little sausages. :( i propped my feet up and my mom massaged my legs and feet for a good hour to help the swelling go down. it's much better today but i'm still wary of sitting or standing for too long. pregnancy makes you sympathize with all sorts of ailments out there that you never really thought about - obesity, water retention, shortness of breath, a "bad hip," etc.. i sound like a 70 year old.

overall i don't think i've been too bad with mood swings during the pregnancy. i was super exhausted and thus super irritable during the first trimester, but besides that i don't think i've been crazy pregnant lady. (and i haven't ever made unreasonable requests for the hubs to go out and get [name the sweet] for me in the middle of the night. then again i haven't had any weird cravings at all during the pregnancy.) but. i think the aforementioned physical ailments + the heat + the "just get her out of me!" feeling are contributing to the making of a sort of "preggzilla." i suppose sh could give a more objective view on this matter but you know, no need to bother him. :)

while we're talking about pregnancy, i came across this video and...well, just watch it. it's a clip from the show "i didn't know i was pregnant." it boggles the mind, i tell you.
http://jezebel.com/5821307/there-was-a-baby-in-my-sweatpants

bump!

34 weeks: are we there yet?

ok. 6 weeks to go. six! one two three four five six! i don't think i can last...! just when i think i can't get any bigger, i do. just when i feel like i can't become less mobile or more uncomfortable, i do. it's kind of unbelievable, how my body tops itself every week. i mean, i have a few more blog entries to go before lana's out. what else can i write about? it'll be a lot of different ways of saying "i want her out!" o_O

in other news, my nightly ritual goes something like this: i go up to the bedroom and just collapse on the bed in a random position. but then when i want to actually go to sleep, i look at the less than two feet i have to move over and it looks miles away. it really feels impossible. i say to sh, "i have to go...there" and point to my side of the bed. so then sh performs a variety of strategic moves to scooch me over to where i want to go. then it's another few moves to get me in sleeping position - on my side cuddled up with my body pillow. then i wake up in the middle of the night to pee (now a nightly occurrence) so then it's more moves to get me out of bed, and then back into bed. o_O in my mind i've analogized my lack of mobility to wearing one of those inflatable sumo suits. you know how funny it looks when people get knocked over in those suits and then roll back and forth but can't get back up on their feet? that's exactly how it feels.

i went to the OB yesterday. i now weigh 128 pounds (i had some stomach issues recently so i only gained one pound in two weeks - which means the weight gain is pretty much all lana). my OB is pretty sure the butt's up top, which is a good thing. she's in ready position. people have been telling me that it looks like my belly is starting to drop, which is also a good thing. despite the fact that i feel huge and everything aches, i try to move around a lot because walking moves the baby down. baby down = closer to baby out.

we had our first of two childbirth classes this past weekend. the nurse who leads it is a good teacher. and it's easier to watch someone 'show&tell' the labor and delivery process rather than read it in a book. we went through the stages of labor, practiced breathing, watched a video and also got a tour of the hospital. one of the awesome perks of delivering in nj (read: not nyc) is that all the rooms are private, and there's a couch in each room for the dad to sleep on if he wants to stay overnight. the facilities look amazing since the hospital was renovated not that long ago. we stopped by the nursery which got me super excited because we saw several cute little newborns in there. you forget how little they are when they first come out! i think it made everything more real, to see those newborns in person.

as for the nursery, jeanne came over to help prime and paint the dresser on saturday (she will work for food) - one more coat of paint, some new knobs and it'll be ready to go. i just hope the finished product looks ok and not too...homemade. i also finished the crib mobile, so we just need to figure out how to hang it from the ceiling (so it doesn't end up falling on lana). daddy's done painting the nursery walls too, so we're making progress. i'll post pics once everything's done. the piece that i hope pulls the whole nursery together is this really cute rug i scored for 1/3 price on hautelook. i can't wait for it to come.

bump! (my "waist" now measures 40.5 inches. holy. beached. whale.)

30 weeks: omg 30 weeks sounds crazy

it's only one week after 29 but it feels like a major milestone, even more so than entering the third trimester. for some reason, the number scares me. maybe it's because i'm also turning 30 this year, a week before lana's due date - i am secretly hoping she comes more than a week early so that i can say i had my first baby at 29, not 30. -_-

on one hand, more and more i'm realizing that lana will be here soon, so my thoughts are slowly transitioning from being pregnant with her...to delivering her. which excites me, but also terrifies me. i mean, i want to see her so badly, but let's be honest, it's not going to be fun getting her here. but then on the other hand, i'm like, wait i still have 10 weeks left?? 10 more weeks for lana to grow bigger and bigger and bigger, whom i then have to push out?? in reality, she's not that big yet (only 2-3 pounds) but it feels like she's huge already because I'M huge. all the major growth happens in the last trimester (with the baby gaining about half a pound a week and the mom gaining about a pound a week), and i definitely can attest to that - i'm getting bigger (and feeling bigger) by leaps and bounds every couple days. it was harder sitting at work today than it was even last week. the weight and downward pressure from my belly onto my hips and back is getting progressively harder to manage. i have regular si joint pain on my right side, and my left hip clicks a lot when i walk. i had an OB appt yesterday - i am now at 125.5 pounds, and my belly measures 39 inches. o_O i stand in front of the mirror every night looking at my naked belly. it's half awe and half horror. then i say to sh, "holy crap. i'm huge!" and he's like, "yes, well, there's a lana pants in there." well, thanks for the info. my friend and i were saying, pregnancy makes you feel like you had the hottest body before you got pregnant, which is by no stretch of the imagination true, but you know, it's all relative. i am really scared that i won't fit into my old clothes. luckily, so far i haven't really gained any weight in my upper half so i'm not as worried about tops, but i'm scared that i won't fit into my suit pants or skirts again - they are pretty tight around the waist and fit just right. i will have to do the kate hudson training regimen after lana is born, because i too can afford to have someone watch the baby all the time while i work out 5 hours a day. yes.

speaking of working out, i've been neglecting to do it these days. i kept saying i'd be a yoga machine while pregnant but it's SO hard when all you want to do is sleep when you get home from work. so i've been trying to at least get a decent amount of walking in here and there (which is usually in the form of shopping) as well as stretching every night, esp. my legs, which always feel so stiff and weak. i'm also trying to do kegels regularly but i keep forgetting to. and i hate how every book you read says, "breathe normally as you do your kegels." um, i don't think that's physically possible. i can't breathe and do them at the same time. i end up just holding my breath and my head feels like it's going to explode. does anyone else have this problem? it can't just be me. but my fear of a bad labor and delivery keeps me trucking along and doing them, breathing or not.

bump!

29 weeks (+1 day): i think it's finally hitting me that i'm having a baby

i feel like it was just yesterday that i was saying "woe is me this winter is so cold!" and now it's 95 degrees. luckily, i walk a total of maybe 3 blocks on my new commute (since the bus stops about 2 blocks away from my house and i work across the street from port authority) so hopefully i won't have to suffer too much in this heat wave and the upcoming summer. women (including my mom) keep telling me their war stories of being 9 months pregnant in august...which will be me. o_O and i really don't do well in heat as it is. but i hope to be as graceful as a 9-month-pregnant woman can be in 90+ degrees and nasty humidity. one of my secret weapons is watermelon. i love watermelon normally but since i've gotten pregnant i can't get enough of it. which also causes middle-of-the-night peeing but i think that becomes a given regardless of what i'm eating so...i will keep enjoying my watermelon. from costco. i love costco.

i've finally gotten around to looking at my maternity leave forms for work and my last day at work will be august 9 (2 weeks before due date), which also happens to be our 3rd wedding anniversary. i guess we can go out somewhere nice for dinner that night and it'll be a double hurrah. :) it's really hitting me now that lana will be here soon. august 9 is less than 9 weeks away. i can't believe it. i definitely feel like i've crossed some sort of...threshold this past week as i entered the third trimester. all of a sudden it's gotten way harder to sit, breathe, move around (especially in bed at night). sometimes i'll wake sh up in the middle of the night if i need to switch sides because i really cannot roll over without causing myself some sort of abdominal pinching/stretching pain. so i'll hit him and he'll be like, "huh? what? oh ok" and then gently push me over to the other side. it's kind of sad but super helpful. i also would not be able to sleep without my body pillow. i HIGHLY recommend it - it's specially designed for pregnant women. it's weird-looking but really thoughtfully and well-designed. here's the link to it. since buybuybaby sells it, you can get it 20% off with one of their coupons. and it says you can use it for feeding once the baby's here too so it double-duties.

something funny that i've noticed the past few weeks is that lana almost exclusively prefers hanging out in the upper right side of my belly. she'll roll up there and nestle in around my ribcage until i push her back down but inevitably she'll mosey on back up. i have no idea what body part of hers it is, but sometimes it feels rock hard - maybe head? shoulder? though it can be extremely uncomfortable sometimes, i find it hilarious that even in the womb, she has her preferences. it's fun to imagine her as this little rambunctious baby with her own personality, stubbornly sticking to my right side. it's easy to forget that she's a real human being because we can't see her but it's almost like she's reminding me when she does this. sometimes, i can't believe at the end of all this there's going to be a new...person. i mean, if you think about it, making a baby is a lot easier than making...a lot of other things. -_-

bump!

27 weeks (+3 days): busy busy

just a few days away from the third trimester! sometimes it felt like it went fast, but mostly it felt like i crawled my way here. monday marked exactly 3 months to go (due date aug 23). when i say to sh "i've been pregnant forever!" he goes "be thankful you're not an elephant." -_-

work was pretty crazy the past couple weeks, but the deal closed wednesday so...hallelujah. good timing too because i'm taking off all next week for the move.

so we are full swing in packing mode. actually, let me rephrase. my mom's been in full swing in packing mode. what would we have done without her for this move? she has cleared out the fridge and freezer by cooking us random but yummy combinations of food (hot and ready to eat the second we walk in the door), she packs a few boxes every day (she even brought "work" gloves with her from china for the express purpose of packing for us), she takes care of sammie and she gives me foot massages at the end of the day when i'm totally spent. i don't want to imagine how we would've gotten through this whole process without her. she left for georgia on wednesday to visit my aunt and sh and i are like, "wait, we have to finish packing this ourselves now?" haha. we are only in a one bedroom and we don't have that much furniture but it feels like we have SO much stuff. we are moving on tuesday. so only a few more days before we say goodbye to brooklyn and hello to nj. i'm going to miss brooklyn a lot but i gotta say, the garage, the jacuzzi tub, the backyard, the deck, the convenience of driving wherever i want to go (hello mitsuwa!) - they'll help me get used to nj. :)

so now that i'm approaching the third trimester, the aches and pains are getting worse. foot and back pain are pretty regular, and my legs are always aching. they feel really weak. i'm constantly stretching them but they don't feel stretched. i've also experienced a couple blackouts (one monday actually) and that's no fun. they both happened at the subway platform, but thank god i didn't get on the subway. on monday i was standing there waiting for the train when my heart started racing all of a sudden. then i got chills, then i felt sweaty (like a hot flash). because it'd happened once before, i knew the blackout was coming. i talked to my OB about this and she said it's common for pregnant women to experience this because so much of our blood gets diverted to the baby. she said the best thing to do is lie down and elevate the legs and also eat something if my blood sugar is low. so i basically left the subway station and went straight back home. i lied down on the couch with my legs elevated and took a quick nap. a dull headache and some dizziness stayed with me all day but the blackout was averted. she's like a little vampire in there, taking all my blood!

so many people around us are having babies, and when i see the pictures of the babies in the delivery room, i'm like, aww how nice, but it doesn't really hit me that that'll actually happen to us. there's still so much of a reality gap between me right now (despite feeling big and heavy and achy) and me post-delivery holding a baby. it hasn't sunk in yet, but maybe it will once we move and set up the nursery. everything's going really great though, and i'm just so so thankful to God for the smooth pregnancy so far. it's so exciting to see our families so eager for her arrival - she's going to be one spoiled baby being the first grandchild on both sides. o_O

bump! gah i feel so big!

24 weeks: o_O

i skipped a week, i know. last week was pretty busy - the first half of the week was busy at work so i came home and crashed. wednesday, sh and i went to pick up my mom from the airport. we didn't get back till after 11pm (is there ever a time when jfk doesn't have arrival delays?). my mom was on a plane for over 18 hours, came into our apartment and started cleaning the kitchen. i was like, "mom! you'll have plenty of time to do that later. relax!" "i'm not tired at all!" seriously, moms are the best. i thought to myself, will i love lana enough to do that? i don't know! i hate cleaning the kitchen! i'll pay for a housekeeper. :) my excuse for not blogging for the rest of the week is i was hanging out with my mom. saturday was sammie's bday party (pictures will be up on fb soon, thanks to andy rhee, doggy photographer!) and saturday night to sunday night we went down to nj to visit my aunt.

there are a lot of things running through my mind lately. april has been a hard month professionally, physically, emotionally and mentally. my body is starting to feel heavier, more tired, more achy. back pain and foot pain are regular parts of my day now. but the physical hardships are manageable so far because i'm prepared for them and know that they're a normal part of pregnancy - a part of pregnancy i would gladly go through to have a healthy baby at the end. and i think a lot of what i'm struggling with are normal struggles, ones that have nothing to do with being pregnant, but being pregnant and tired and achy and hormonal exacerbates those struggles. but at the same time, the anticipation of being able to see lana soon makes things easier too. i guess it's give and take.

i have a lot of things i want to get on paper but don't have the time right now. i think i need to process my thoughts and take some time to put decent words to them instead of creating an all-out unedited stream-of-consciousness mess. until then, i saw this recently and both laughed out loud and cried within a 2 minute span. it's so awesome. it's called 'a mother's prayer for her child' by tina fey.

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.”

bump! (i don't post for a week and i practically double in size! i can't believe that's me. but do keep in mind i just ate a big dinner and some more cold stone. oh, and i measured my waist - 37 inches. holy crap.)