Tuesday, September 7, 2010

a change of season.

it's been a long time. in an ideal alternate universe (one where i am also 5 inches taller and condos in nyc are affordable), i am one of those daily bloggers whose effortless writings make you go, "omg yes, that's so true!" yes. right. apparently, there are real people who have the luxury of living in my alternate universe, who get paid to write what they want to write (at coffee shops drinking lattes and wearing the cutest outfits, no less). and seeing as how i am not a professional blogger as of yet, i will keep my day job and continue to dream in between reading contracts.

2010 hasn't been what i would call a "great year" so far. but i think my definition of what "great" is...is changing. it used to be whatever is easy and fun - the path of least resistance - and if things were hard, they definitely were not great. but i'm starting to understand slowly that roadblocks and trials are a given, and that i can still be ok, and even great, with them showing up in my life. ugh, does that mean i'm growing up? i really hate being an adult.

i'll skip the winter and the spring of 2010 and just go straight to summer - this summer was rough because i don't do well with heat and the heat this summer was nearly unbearable (esp. in the subway stations where i would become visibly cranky as my work clothes would slowly stick to my skin with sweat as the glue). but what's really been the theme of the past 5 months is that the hubs herniated a disc in his back and was home for many months (and still is) on disability. he finally got surgery last week, so we're hoping and praying that we are finally nearing the end. this is a roadblock that neither of us could have imagined. when he first hurt his back in march, we never thought that we'd still be dealing with it in september. it's been so so hard - and i would be inclined initially to say it's been harder for him than for me (for obvious reasons), but on second thought, i don't know. i think it might have been just as hard for me because i had to watch him go through everything and feel utterly helpless. it's such a terrible feeling. but all of this has taught us how to be a better team. i feel like after having gone through this so early in our marriage, it just makes us stronger.

it's time for autumn. really - it came when i desperately needed it. autumn is also my favorite season. they say the sense of smell is the sense that is most closely connected to memory. for me, whenever i smell a cool breeze i immediately think of 49 winton road, the house i grew up in. i feel like i can really smell the fresh-cut grass and the piles of leaves on the front lawn. it makes me instantly nostalgic and lets me go on a quick 5-second getaway to the past - and when i come back to reality, i always feel better. i also love blazers and boots, giving out halloween candy, colorful leaves, and all things pumpkin, esp. veniero's pumpkin pie. God has his timing for everything.