Unlearning

One particular concept has been persistently popping into my mind all week, a buzzword of the current times: unlearning.

To me, unlearning means questioning and getting curious about what we've learned, whether through 1) education (formal or informal) or 2) internalized experiences, mostly during childhood, and challenging ourselves to view it in a different light or maybe overturn it entirely based on new information. I think the reason why unlearning is so hard is because what we learned as a child frames our worldview. In other words, it is our reality, whether it’s true or not. I’m not judging that at all—all of us believe things that are true and not true. But what I am saying is that the process of unlearning is difficult as an adult because we’re altering the reality as we had known it. Sometimes, it also means admitting we were wrong or ignorant in the past. 

I think this is why learning about systemic racism is so hard for most people who don’t have firsthand experience of it. I’m not making excuses for anyone, because there are many who are willfully ignorant. But if you haven't experienced it, and you haven't really been taught about it, then it's just not part of your reality.

I took a class in law school called Race and the Law. It was eye-opening. I remember discussions in class regarding the model minority myth and how damaging it is and how we as Asian-Americans sometimes benefit from these racist structures at the expense of Black, Hispanic or Native American people. It's hard to learn about this. It's an uncomfortable truth, but old "truths" needed to be unlearned and moved out to make space for it. That process includes asking myself, "How have I unwittingly contributed to systemic racism by my speech and actions, or by my silence and inaction?"

I feel like all those things you read these days encouraging people to push through the discomfort and keep going--it's addressing this process of unlearning. And I've noticed that there's one thing you always see with people who are actively unlearning: humility. They are humble, not proud. They are teachable, not inflexible. They readily admit their wrongs, instead of denying them. You can't unlearn without a humble attitude. And this is probably the hardest for White people because they will always be missing the "experience" part of the equation, but we Asian-Americans are guilty of it too. Being poc ourselves does not absolve us of problematic thinking or attitudes.

So let's be humble as we continue our process of unlearning. Let's be curious about our defensiveness and why we feel uncomfortable. Let's show our kids this process and model it for them. What if my kids could just learn it the first time, and never have to unlearn it? How would that impact this country in 20 years?