i think someone messed with the speed of time

i'm serious. seriously, for serious, where did this year go? and at the risk of being the 46934985th mom to say this - where did my maternity leave go? i mean, really, where did it go?? i had jonah, then it was a blur, then i was soooo sleepy (i think that was my last post), then i breastfed what felt like every minute of every day and my boobs hurt like hell, then they got better, then it was more of a blur, then jonah started sleeping a lot better and now i go back to work. the last post i wrote was when jonah was 5 weeks old, and now he's over 3 months old! i mean, i start work in THREE DAYS. :( truth is i don't mind work itself, but i'm just not ready to go back yet. i'm really not. there's so much i wanted to get done during leave and it didn't happen. i wanted to start working out (nope). i wanted to get jonah on a 3 hour schedule (nope - the kid wants to eat ALL. THE. TIME. i guess you don't get to be a 17 pound 3 month old by eating every 3 hours). i wanted to declutter the house (nope). i wanted to get lana sleep trained. (NOPE.) perhaps i was too ambitious. or perhaps someone really did speed up time. in which case i should get some more leave time to get these things done.

despite everything i didn't get done, my maternity leave was really awesome. it's been so nice being at home with both kids (read: it's been so nice being home with both kids, with my mom doing almost everything). even though most of the time i was focused on jonah, i've been able to spend a lot of quality time with lana too. i love picking her up from school and taking her to the playground, something i can't do once i go back to work. i think she's the kid that makes her teachers think to themselves, "i'm not getting paid enough for this." other kids get picked up by their parents and it's a quick hi/bye, but when i pick up lana the teachers always have a bunch of stories to share with me. -_- at least they usually say it with smiles on their faces (though sometimes, they look really tired...mental note: get teachers nice christmas gifts).

anyway, it's not so much the work part that i'm worried about, it's everything else that happens as a result - waking up super early, the morning craze, commuting, pumping at work, jamming all errands into the weekend, cooking all day sunday for the week ahead, etc. i keep thinking back in awe at my pre-kids life, esp. the weekday mornings. i mean, we got up, walked sammie, drank some coffee, showered, and went out the door? unbelievable. did we know how good we had it?? what makes it infinitely worse is that my mom leaves tomorrow. insert a million frowny faces here. she's been doing everything for us. i don't think i'll ever really know how hard it is to have a new baby because my mom did so much of the stuff that parents normally have to do. in jonah's 3+ months of life i think i've bathed him about 5 times. my mom did all the rest of the baths. i think in the past 3 months i've cooked dinner about 5 times also. my mom cooked every other home-cooked meal (and we did eat out a bit on days when everyone was down for the count). she did a lot of the daycare dropoffs and pickups for lana. she made sure i took a 2 hr nap every day, even if it meant watching both kids (something i haven't yet done for more than one hour at a time). i know we'll eventually find our rhythm and be ok (i think), but i'm a little terrified of going down to man-to-man coverage with the kids. since jonah's been born it's always been 3 on 2, and now it's going to be 2 on 2. -_- and sometimes, i think lana is more like 1.5. but jonah is a pretty good sleeper so far (sleeps up to 5-7 hr stretches) so that makes things much better. but honestly, i know that these are the complaints and fears of someone who is extremely lucky and blessed - blessed with having been spoiled by help from family, blessed with two awesome kids, blessed with jobs. i know it's going to be crazy but i guess that's the definition of life with kids? i probably wouldn't change much at all (except my parents living here...and maybe a much shorter commute...and eventually working part-time...and cheaper housing prices...ok fine maybe i'd change some things but you get the point). i thank God every day for these "problems" in my life but that doesn't change the fact that i still am terrified. so i'm praying for a smooth transition. 

jonah is 100 days old today. we celebrated with family yesterday, and i'm glad the timing worked out that my mom could be here for it. someone wasn't thrilled about wearing a suit so we took it off him. but i did manage to get a tie on his onesie. :)

5.5 weeks in: i dream of sleep

jonahpants was 5 weeks old this past saturday. on friday we went to his one month appointment and he now weighs almost 11 pounds. no one would ever guess he was a late-term preemie. he gained 4 pounds in 4 weeks - so he went from the 20th percentile to the 75th percentile. my arms know it ain't no lie.

he's been good overall. there was that growth spurt stage at 2-3 weeks that was rough, and he's getting gassier which sometimes makes feedings harder. he's also learned that being held beats lying alone in the crib or bouncer. but overall i don't think we can really complain. it's hard and tiring but it's normal hard and tiring. 2 nights ago he slept a 4 hour stretch which was glorious. 4 hours feels like 7 these days. i hope he continues to stretch out his night feedings. i take naps every day but i'm still living in that sleep deprivation fog, the one where you'd give up riches and fame and a date with mark wahlberg for just 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. i'm bracing myself though - while most of the early days with lana are now a blur at best, i still remember very clearly one particular night when she was 6 weeks old. she didn't eat or sleep from 9pm-3am. she cried the entire 6 hours. we were in complete panic mode and utterly exhausted. when we started telling our pediatrician about it, he chuckled and said it was the "witching hour" which for some reason conjured very disturbing scenes from the blair witch project. apparently babies are known to be super fussy in the evenings. i was so relieved to find out it was a known phenomenon and it wasn't just our kid being a baby terrorist. after doing some extremely scientific research on the internets, i also learned that 6-9 weeks of age is particularly difficult for everyone involved. it is a period of rapid neurological development for the babies so they go through a lot of fussiness, this on top of the gas issue. so they don't eat well, don't sleep well, they cry and cry, and in turn make their parents cry too. all this to say, jonah baby, please be kind to mommy and daddy the next few weeks. 

speaking of terrorists, lanapants has become one. we've been very fortunate that lana has been overall very easy behaviorally. she is easy to take out and about, listens pretty well, has a very happy temperament and doesn't tantrum much. that was...until a few weeks ago. she has been an utter terror the past few weeks. it's probably a combination of jonah jealousy and becoming three soon. In the US we talk about terrible twos but in korea it's actually terrible threes and this time i think the koreans got it right. she is still very sweet to jonah and i don't think she'll ever take it out on him, but she often gets jealous if someone holds jonah, like she'll ask me to hold her right when i start feeding him. she throws tantrums for no apparent reason and we cannot figure out what's wrong bc she refuses to talk. she gives major attitude. she's regressing in the potty training department. it's pretty exhausting. and since she hasn't given us much reason to practice discipline until now, we find ourselves often wondering whether to approach her with toughness or gentleness. on monday she had a total meltdown and i felt i had no choice but to put on the mean mom face and discipline her pretty strictly. it actually worked though which was encouraging. while she's pushing boundaries like crazy she doesn't not care about our reaction - she definitely fears "time out" and getting punished. this is an area of parenthood i could do without - tips are appreciated from seasoned (and battered) parents. now i feel bad about all those times andy and i fought and drove my mom crazy, even though, obviously, he always started it.

anyway, to give my mom and me a break, sh took lana to my in-laws' place yesterday for the night. then my mom offered to take jonah overnight so i could get a real night's sleep. i tried to fight her bc i thought it'd be too tiring for her but she wouldn't take no for an answer. i couldn't really sleep for the whole night straight bc the milk factory operates 24/7, but i definitely slept so much better without jonah. i went to my mom's room to nurse him once at midnight, then pumped one other time. but basically i slept from 9-5:30 and only woke up twice so it was so nice! sh probably slept the night straight though… -_-

jonahpants: 3 weeks

jonah's actual due date was yesterday, 7/13 (again, can't IMAGINE), but he is showing no signs of being an early baby. in one week, he gained 1lb 3oz, so as of last friday he was 8lb 9oz. he is fattening up and getting noticeably chubbier by the day. he is definitely able to take in more at every feeding. he is rarely satisfied with 2oz anymore and has even eaten 4+oz here and there. he's falling into a pattern of cluster feeding in the evenings - eating almost every hour for about a three-hour stretch sometime between the hours of 8pm and 1am and then sleeping a good 3-3.5 hours till the next feeding. sometimes we get lucky and that stretch is 10-12, and other times we are not so lucky and it's 12-2 -_-.

the big thing that happened this past week is we found out that jonah needed to get circumcised…again. our pediatrician told us two weeks ago that he didn't like the way it looked, and that he thought my OB had botched the initial job by not taking enough skin off. so last week we went to see a pediatric urologist who confirmed that it would need to be redone. he said we had a choice to do it now or later on when he's around 2, but later on means general anesthesia because it's hard to control a flailing 2 year old. needless to say, we were so pissed. it's hard enough to deal with the fact that they have to go through it once (though, i'm pretty sure it's harder on us than it is on him), but to have to make him go through it again really made us mad. i called my OB and told her what our pediatrician said, but she stood by her procedure and said she did it right, and that she was making sure she didn't take too much off because that comes with its own complications. i mean, what do i say to that? i just left that conversation at that. anyway, so we opted to do it right away - why not avoid general anesthesia if you can. so today was the procedure. we really really loved the pediatric urologist. he was so friendly, warm and reassuring, and true to his word, the whole procedure seemed to take less than 10 minutes. i'm just so glad it's over and hopefully this time it's done properly and we don't have to deal with this again.

my recovery feels like it's two steps forward, one step back. there are days when i feel pretty good, and i don't know, maybe because i feel pretty good i overdo it, which makes the next day not feel so good? not sure if that's the case or not but i guess it's possible. some days i don't really feel the incision too much, and other days it (and the surrounding area) stings/pinches/pulls/hurts so much. today i actually felt a little pelvic pain and i freaked out that the SPD was coming back, but i'm hoping it's not that...and that the pain was just a result of sleeping on my side last night, which i think was a bad move. i think (hope/pray) that i'm still just very stiff in the pelvic/hip area and the sleeping on the side put extra pressure on those bones. we'll see how i feel the next few days. once i hit one month postpartum i'm going to start going to the chiropractor/acupuncturist again. i think that'll help my hip, pelvic bone, back, etc. loosen up a bit. i'm starting to feel restless though. i can't wait to feel normal and be out and about again. because i only gained 13 pounds during the pregnancy, i've lost all the extra weight, but it'll take a while for my belly to go down and for me to be back in non-maternity clothes. but once i am wearing my normal clothes again, i feel a shopping spree coming on. :D

jonahpants! (smiling after making a big poo)

7/7/14

if jonah hadn't come early, tomorrow would have been his birthday. 7/7/14 would have been a nice birthday...but i think the good lord knew i was really at my wit's end and so allowed for jonah to come early. i can't IMAGINE still being pregnant, and with how my pelvic pain was progressively getting worse, i probably would've been on bedrest the past couple weeks if he were still inside my belly. speaking of pelvic pain -- i am now basically off pain meds (fully off the percocet and only taking advil as needed) and it seems like the pelvic pain is gone! i guess it's really true that it can go away right after you give birth. just shows you how powerful (and scary) hormones are. the hormones are also making me experience some crazy mood swings. my highs are so high and my lows are so low. they're pretty short-lived but i can actually feel them coming on. i don't remember them being so distinct and recognizable with lana.

jonah was 2 weeks this past saturday. at his 2 week appointment, he weighed 7 lbs 6 oz, so he gained a half a pound in a week! boy eats and sleeps and poos like a champ. i think since yesterday he's been going through a growth spurt. he used to sleep a good 3-3.5 hours in between feedings, but since yesterday he's been waking up sometimes every hour or every other hour screaming and ravenous. -_- of course, it's more frequent at night. i think his days and nights are slightly flipped, much to our dismay.

lana has been a great older sister. the first week she definitely acted out but since then she seems to have gotten into the swing of things. she is so sweet to jonah and gives him lots of kisses, and whenever she wants to touch him she says "i need to wash my hands first, right?" i think she's liking this whole new sibling thing because everyone that comes over seems to be so concerned about how she's adjusting that they bring just as many gifts for her as they do for jonah! we keep joking that she'll want more siblings to keep up the parade of gifts coming to her.

sh goes back to work on wednesday and i am kind of dreading it. when he's home, it's 3 adults to 2 kids so we outnumber the little suckers. once he goes back to work, it'll be man to man with my mom and me. lana goes to school mon/wed/fri so those days will be easier, and come august she'll be in school every day. just gotta get through the first several weeks and hopefully we'll fall into a rhythm.
i'm feeling much better the past few days - the incision is less painful and i'm more mobile. i still feel really tired by early afternoon though and that's when i try to get in my 2 hour nap. the hardest thing is breastfeeding. i forgot how hard it is! we really do have parenting amnesia. i keep saying "was breastfeeding this hard with lana?" and it probably was, but i really have a hard time remembering. i'm already dreading the prospect of pumping at work even though i have 12 more weeks until i have to deal with that. i can't believe some mommy friends pumped 3x a day. i mean, how do you get any work done? also, how do you even manage that? i mean...i just HATE pumping. i'm just aiming to do one time a day. i wanted to pump in my office but my new office at TD, well, the walls are glass. -_-

here's our little guy - he's getting better at opening both eyes and staying awake for longer stretches. he's also always making these super serious faces.

baby jonah

well...it seems that baby jonah decided that he had had enough of this pregnancy too! here is the labor and delivery story:

i woke up early saturday morning around 6am with intense lower back and lower abdominal pain on my right side. it didn't feel like normal pregnancy pains, so i had an inkling it might be labor but i had also been having a lot of braxton hicks so didn't believe it was real at first. SH massaged my back for an hour and i was able to fall back asleep for a while. i woke up around 9am and felt much better - the pain had subsided for the most part - but then i started experiencing contractions. i tried timing them but they weren't consistent. 5 minutes apart, then 7, then 9, then 12, then back down to 7, etc. and they never lasted more than several seconds. i ate breakfast and tried to ride them out for a bit in case they were fake, but at around 10:30am they still hadn't gone away and they were getting painful, so i decided to call my OB just in case. she said to go the hospital so she can be sure it isn't real labor. i took a shower, grabbed the hospital bag, and SH and i went to hackensack hospital at around 11:30am.

as soon as i got there, i got hooked up to an IV. they said my urine test showed i was a little dehydrated, and dehydration can cause contractions so they were trying to get more fluids in me. since i was still early (36 weeks, 6 days) they were trying to avoid labor if possible. at my OB appointment two days before, my OB was concerned because i had low levels of amniotic fluid. she told me to drink as much water as possible, so i had been guzzling water as much as i could but apparently, to my surprise, i was still a little dehydrated. while on the IV the resident checked my dilation and said i was barely dilated. after about two hours on the IV, they waited to see if my contractions calmed down. if they did, i'd go back home. but the contractions actually got way worse right after finishing the IV, and when the resident came back to check on me, i had dilated to 1-2cm. the nurse called my doctor who then said in light of the stronger contractions, she wanted to get the baby out. SH and i looked at each other like o_O. i guess we both knew it was a possibility that i'd have the baby that day, but since i had had a false alarm before, we were thinking it might just be another one.

the hospital staff then started prepping for delivery. since it was a saturday, my OB wasn't working. we had to wait for her to come, as well as the other OB staff on call. the OB nurse on call came in and introduced herself. she then asked if i already have a baby, so i told her lana was born at hackensack almost 3 years ago. she says, "i knew you looked familiar!" turns out, she was my nurse for lana too! i'm usually really good with faces but i guess when you're confronted with l&d that's the last thing your brain remembers. she was seriously the best - so warm, friendly, comforting, supportive. so she starts preparing, and at one point she called my OB to find out where she was. OB said "i'll be there in 5 minutes." but 15 minutes later, she still hadn't arrived. when she finally got there, she said "i got a ticket!!" i felt so bad. she said the cop was a jerk and gave her a ticket even though she has MD plates and said she had an emergency c-section to get to. ?!?! she said he said "yeah yeah i'm sure you do, i hear that all the time." Well maybe you hear that all the time because it's true, because you're a cop in hackensack which has one of the biggest hospitals in the area! ugh. it's nearing the end of the month isn't it? someone's gotz quotas to fill...

anyway, so i got wheeled into the OR at around 5ish. everything went well. i spoke with the anesthesiologist beforehand and told him i have a high tolerance to anesthesia and that i had major teeth clenching/chattering with the last c-section, so he said he'd give me extra drugs and something to help with the clenching. this time, i wore my hockey mouthguard during the surgery to prevent the jaw pain but i didn't need it. my teeth were fine and there was no clenching/chattering so i was really grateful to the anesthesiologist for that. with lana i had a sore jaw for 3 days afterwards, and it seriously sucked.

jonah hajun (하준) choe was born at 5:56pm on saturday, 6/21/14. he weighed 6 pounds 13.3 oz and was 19.25 inches long (although according to the pediatrician at his 1 week visit, he's really 20.25 - he said the hospital staff don't really stretch the babies out to find their true length). they were right all along - he IS a big boy. he was born at almost 7 pounds even though he was 3 weeks early! i can't imagine how big he would've been had i gone to the scheduled c-section at the 39 week mark - maybe close to 9 pounds! the nurse said since he's early there's a possibility he'd come out looking a little limp, but he came out screaming his lungs out and looked healthy. he went to the regular nursery at first, but then his breathing got a bit shallow and fast so they sent him to the NICU just to be safe and monitor him. he got a little extra oxygen and was put in an incubator to keep his body warm. i was sad that he couldn't come to my room with me and just hearing "NICU" made me nervous, but the nurses and doctors assured me that he would be totally fine and that it was just the typical assistance that's given to babies who are slightly early but need help with transitioning to the outside world. they originally said he'd come to the normal nursery by tuesday but the doctor said sometimes his resting heartrate would drop for a few seconds here and there, so they decided it doesn't hurt to keep him in NICU and keep monitoring his heartrate while he's at the hospital. so jonah ended up staying in NICU the whole time we were at the hospital. i went down there for every feeding except for the two in the middle of the night so i could get some sleep. the NICU nurses are seriously so so awesome. it's not easy to have a baby and then not be with him constantly, but i felt so much better and at ease after meeting the NICU nurses and seeing how lovingly they cared for jonah. i definitely want to send something to them as a thank you gift - nurses out there, what's a good gift? home-baked cookies? haha.

after the c-section, i went to the recovery room. you don't get moved up to the regular postpartum room until some of the anesthesia wears off and you can move your legs. just an hour after he was born, jonah nursed like a champ, like lana. he nursed for a full hour! while jonah was nursing, there was a bit of a commotion in the down-there area - apparently, i had some excessive bleeding and passed a couple big blood clots so the doctors were concerned for a bit, but after i got put on some meds to accelerate contractions, they said everything started to look normal. the next day my OB said i lost a liter of blood and was really anemic - my hemoglobin count was really low. i believed it because that whole day i felt really weak, confused and generally just out of it, and on sunday night i almost fainted. i loaded up on steak while at the hospital to get more iron and i also got put on iron pills.

jonah and i came home wednesday afternoon. we went to the pediatrician for his 1 week appointment on friday (technically, he was 6 days old). our peds said he spoke to the neonatologist at hackensack and got all the info about him being in NICU. after examining him, he said he won't even treat jonah like a preterm baby because he looks perfect. :) he weighed in at 6 lbs 12oz so he had already gained back the weight that he lost after being born. he is eating, sleeping, peeing and pooing well, though much to our dismay his days and nights seem to be a bit mixed up. lana is doing pretty well too. she loves her baby brother and always wants to help which is cute but annoying haha. she really misses/is jealous for my attention though, which is so sad. i try to give her as much attention as i can but it's so hard between feeding/taking care of jonah, trying to get in the naps i desperately need and dealing with my own body's recovery. she's also definitely shown moments of acting out - she does things that she knows are wrong to get our attention (like drawing with crayons on our staircase...). but overall i think she's adjusting as well as any almost-3 year old could when faced with the situation of having their world flipped upside down, haha. we are also surviving because my mom is doing everything for us. she is cooking amazing food (and oh, my appetite is back and raging - hormones are such a scary thing), taking care of lana, cleaning when the nanny's not around (our nanny comes every day for 3-4 hours), etc etc. i love my mom!

the big question i had before having the baby was whether i'd experience pelvic pain afterwards. it's hard to tell - i'm still on percocet and motrin round-the-clock, so we'll see when i stop taking them. but for now, i don't really feel the pelvic pain. maybe it's because it's gone, or maybe it's there but i just don't notice it because of the pain meds + the c-section pain is overshadowing it. we'll see. we are so thankful and praise God for a smooth delivery and a healthy baby, and thanks to everyone for all your support and prayers during the pregnancy. having a boy is sooo different (the circumcision almost made SH cry - i left the room entirely) but it's so wonderful. can't wait for everyone to meet him!! :D

35 weeks. one month to go // the rangers might induce labor

today marks 35 weeks. as of yesterday, exactly one month to go till 7/7/14, and as of tomorrow, exactly 4 weeks to go. i talked to my OB who recommended i stop working soon since i told her that it's getting really hard to sit through a work day (even though i work mostly from the comfort of my new recliner, which i bought a few weeks ago and which is awesomeness). so my last day of work is this coming friday, 6/13 and i'll be on short term disability for three weeks before the c-section date. if you're in the area and want to hang out, come over! i'll be home in my pjs rocking the beached whale look and getting angry watching homeowners complain on hgtv that $200,000 is too expensive for a 4br house.

some other things to note:

-- upon a friend's recommendation, i got a temporary handicap parking placard. it has made life so much easier. i try not to go out too much, but sometimes a girl needs some air (or ice cream, or both). and the parking placard makes going somewhere less challenging. anyone want to go to garden state plaza?! i feel like i need to use it there at least once, just to take advantage of it! not that i can walk around the mall. anyone want to go to garden state plaza and have a spare wheelchair? -_-

-- i had an OB appointment on friday. i think there's something wrong with the scale at the doctor's office, but it said i was 125 (when two weeks ago it said 127?). so i'm now about +10-12 pounds. baby's head is down, and doc said everything's looking good.

-- my uncle lives in an apartment complex that has a pool so my mom and i took lana yesterday. when i went into the pool, it was the first time in maybe almost three months i didn't feel some sort of pelvic pain. it was amazing to get some of the pressure off my back, feet and belly and feel weightless. even afterwards i felt less pain for a while.

-- i still go to the chiropractor 1-2x a week. he has a wellness center, so whenever i go, i get chiropractic care, 15 minutes of massage therapy, 15 minutes of physical therapy and acupuncture. it's a great practice (dr. eugene lee in edgewater, if anyone wants to check it out). sometimes it's hard to realize the difference it's making right away, but i definitely notice it when i don't go for several days. also, i've noticed that the acupuncture in particular has made a big difference for my legs. with lana, i used to get charley horses all the time - i'd wake up screaming with golf ball sized cramps in my calves until sh massaged them away. this time around, i've only gotten one charley horse so far. i notice after going to the chiro that my legs are less crampy feeling and more relaxed. just a tip for my prego friends out there, esp. if you find yourself experiencing a lot of leg pain. it might be helpful for you.

-- we're slowly continuing to prep for baby boy's arrival. just in case he comes early, i've started packing my hospital bag. (in it, a hockey mouthguard to use during the c-section. with lana, i had such bad clenching/chattering that my jaw hurt for a couple days afterwards.) i'm buying a cosleeper from a friend to use for the first few months. we bought some diapers (it's been a nice couple months of diaperlessness while it lasted). i bought this cart from ikea to use as a diaper/clothes/etc. caddy for baby:

it's actually a kitchen cart, but i saw this pic and others on various baby blogs and thought it'd be perfect to use to corral all the baby stuff while baby stays in our room. once he graduates to a crib in his own room, it can be used for books/toys for lana. it's funny though, how little we're prepping for this second baby compared to lana. i haven't bought a single article of clothing for him! it's really true that non-first kids get shafted a bit. -_- i mean, we'll love him just as much, i think...

-- now that the end is sort of in sight, i'm starting to really want certain things and i CAN'T WAIT for this pregnancy to be over so i can get back to them. things i miss (in no particular order): 1. my normal body, 2. my normal clothes (oh cinched waist dresses how i miss you), 3. being able to move without pain, 4. BEER/WINE, 5. gorging on sushi (i already have a date with fellow prego Kay to do this soon after the babies are out, husbands optional).

in other news, the rangers may seriously induce labor. i was definitely in some pain after last night's (utterly disappointing) game because it seems i forget i can't really move and i jump up whenever we score or almost score. -_- how awesome would it be if i could say "hey baby boy, the year you were born, the rangers won the cup." sigh.

33 weeks. false alarm.

today marks 33 weeks. c-section date is 6 weeks away, but we had a bit of a scary false alarm today. since yesterday evening, i started feeling tightening in my belly that was uncomfortable. i knew they weren't real contractions, but they were really unpleasant and accompanied by back pain that sort of felt like back labor. i figured i should just wait it out a little bit to see how i felt, because if they were real, it'd eventually become obvious in the form of more regular and increasingly intense contractions. if they weren't real and were just braxton hicks, they'd eventually go away. i was also exhausted so i wanted to get some rest. so i went to bed, but i ended up waking up every 30 min to 2 hours all night - the contractions kept waking me up. and i think stello didn't like them either because he kept moving every time they happened, which kept me up even more. at some point during the night they also started getting a little painful. i tried to get more sleep but at around 6:45am i gave up and called my OB. she wanted to err on the side of caution so she told me to go to the hospital.

we went to the hospital at around 7:30. they hooked me up to the monitors to check for contractions and also did an FFN test which apparently is some sort of indicator as to whether you're likely to go into preterm labor. the FFN test came back negative, and the monitor picked up a couple mild contractions but otherwise the nurse said it seemed more like the uterus was just doing practice "exercises." i talked to my OB afterwards and she said it's not real labor and everything looks fine, so i should just go home and rest. i was so freaked out that i'd be giving birth so early, so thank jesus it was a false alarm. as much as i joke that i want the baby out, no one wants to go into preterm labor. but now it seems another thing has been added to this already-full pregnancy plate of mine because on top of the pelvic pain, these fake contractions are pretty exhausting. all day the top of my belly tightens and cramps and there doesn't seem to be anything i can do to make them go away. if anyone has any tips or has any stories of similar experiences, i'd greatly appreciate it - they're driving me mad! the back pain is a little better but it comes and goes (which is why i really thought i was going into labor). it's a good thing stello is my second - if he were my first, i'm pretty sure he'd be an only child with how hard this pregnancy is. makes me really feel for moms who carry multiples or have way worse complications than the ones i'm experiencing. i guess it's not an easy task, this business of making people.

with this new development i wonder how much longer i can work. my OB said she would sign my short term disability form any time...i'm going to try to last as long as possible esp. since i'm basically working from home every day now, but i do feel like i'm going to get to a point soon where even sitting and working at the computer will get really hard. jesus please let these next 6 weeks go by fast!

last OB appointment was this past friday. i've gained 11 pounds now. baby looks good, but doc said i could drink more water because she wants to see more amniotic fluid.

hubs said maybe we should get the hospital bag packed now, just to have it ready. i wonder if baby will come early because of these fake contractions? not sure if there's any correlation, but it just feels like my body is already getting ready. i just realized i haven't posted a bump picture in so long. just take my word for it, i'm huge!