Sorry, I couldn't resist. (Google the title if you don't know what I'm referring to.)
I've been thinking a lot about practice ever since I read somewhere that "anti-racism is a practice." When I first saw the phrase, I stopped and read it again. It sounded weird to me. I thought to myself, "But aren't you either one or the other, racist or not racist?" But as I read up on the topic, it made sense. Even if you're not actively racist, even if you truly believe that all people's lives are precious and you long for the day when people are treated truly equally regardless of their skin color or ethnicity or background, we all have prejudices, biases and thoughts that are based on race. We have all been racist. One part of anti-racism is undoing that type of thinking, and it's an ongoing practice. It's not a light switch you either flip on or off.
This made me think about other areas that require practice. For example, calm is a practice. Gratitude is a practice. Humility is a practice. But how often do we just attribute those traits as innate qualities that someone is born with? "Oh, she's so calm," or "He's always thankful and doesn't take things in life for granted." We'd like to believe those people are born with those traits. You know why? Because it lets us off the hook. I wasn't born [calm/grateful/humble/etc.], so it's not my fault. It's just not "who I am." In the Bible, we have the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. No one is born with all these qualities perfectly developed; in fact, it's quite the opposite. Galatians talks about how we're born with qualities that go against the Spirit, like enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, etc. In other words, it takes practice to both build up these good qualities and to fight our destructive qualities.
The prevailing narrative in this country, however, is that it is one or the other--you're racist or you're not. And so people will often defend themselves to the ends of earth saying "I'm not racist!" Then what happens is the denial continues, and the difficult internal work people need to do doesn't get done. I think this is where education is so crucial, and I am hopeful that we are starting to see some tides shifting. We need to see the normalization of the truth that we are all flawed in our thinking and that we all see things based on race sometimes. We need to accept that this stuff is messy, nuanced and hard. We need to see people talking about these things openly, without judgment, without shame. We need to see change at both the structural level and the individual level. So individually, how do we do it? I am committing my family to this practice in a few ways: 1. I buy/borrow a lot of books for myself and for the kids. I think it's important to not only read books about civil rights, racism, discrimination, etc., but also books that celebrate people of color's lives just because they're amazing. It normalizes the success of people of every race. 2. We talk about it at home. I am proud that Lana and Jonah know so much more than I did when I was their age. 3. I seek out resources that help my education on the topic. 4. I donate to causes that are fighting racism. 5. I also do the above things for anti-sexism and anti-ableism, because they are different flavors of the same problem.
Friday, July 17, 2020
Tuesday, June 30, 2020
Unlearning
One particular concept has been persistently popping into my mind all week, a buzzword of the current times: unlearning.
To me, unlearning means questioning and getting curious about what we've learned, whether through 1) education (formal or informal) or 2) internalized experiences, mostly during childhood, and challenging ourselves to view it in a different light or maybe overturn it entirely based on new information. I think the reason why unlearning is so hard is because what we learned as a child frames our worldview. In other words, it is our reality, whether it’s true or not. I’m not judging that at all—all of us believe things that are true and not true. But what I am saying is that the process of unlearning is difficult as an adult because we’re altering the reality as we had known it. Sometimes, it also means admitting we were wrong or ignorant in the past.
I think this is why learning about systemic racism is so hard for most people who don’t have firsthand experience of it. I’m not making excuses for anyone, because there are many who are willfully ignorant. But if you haven't experienced it, and you haven't really been taught about it, then it's just not part of your reality.
I took a class in law school called Race and the Law. It was eye-opening. I remember discussions in class regarding the model minority myth and how damaging it is and how we as Asian-Americans sometimes benefit from these racist structures at the expense of Black, Hispanic or Native American people. It's hard to learn about this. It's an uncomfortable truth, but old "truths" needed to be unlearned and moved out to make space for it. That process includes asking myself, "How have I unwittingly contributed to systemic racism by my speech and actions, or by my silence and inaction?"
I feel like all those things you read these days encouraging people to push through the discomfort and keep going--it's addressing this process of unlearning. And I've noticed that there's one thing you always see with people who are actively unlearning: humility. They are humble, not proud. They are teachable, not inflexible. They readily admit their wrongs, instead of denying them. You can't unlearn without a humble attitude. And this is probably the hardest for White people because they will always be missing the "experience" part of the equation, but we Asian-Americans are guilty of it too. Being poc ourselves does not absolve us of problematic thinking or attitudes.
So let's be humble as we continue our process of unlearning. Let's be curious about our defensiveness and why we feel uncomfortable. Let's show our kids this process and model it for them. What if my kids could just learn it the first time, and never have to unlearn it? How would that impact this country in 20 years?
I feel like all those things you read these days encouraging people to push through the discomfort and keep going--it's addressing this process of unlearning. And I've noticed that there's one thing you always see with people who are actively unlearning: humility. They are humble, not proud. They are teachable, not inflexible. They readily admit their wrongs, instead of denying them. You can't unlearn without a humble attitude. And this is probably the hardest for White people because they will always be missing the "experience" part of the equation, but we Asian-Americans are guilty of it too. Being poc ourselves does not absolve us of problematic thinking or attitudes.
So let's be humble as we continue our process of unlearning. Let's be curious about our defensiveness and why we feel uncomfortable. Let's show our kids this process and model it for them. What if my kids could just learn it the first time, and never have to unlearn it? How would that impact this country in 20 years?
Saturday, June 13, 2020
Racists make me tired
Last Saturday, I participated in a peaceful protest held in my town against police brutality and to show our support for Black Lives Matter. There is so much work to be done, but I was proud of our town for taking this stand. I found out yesterday that someone at the protest, a young Asian-American woman, had a "F*** the Police" sign at the protest. I didn't see it firsthand, but a friend shared a post on Facebook about it. A white man who lives in town saw it, took a picture, then posted it in a public Facebook post saying, "To my Leonia people who is this and how do you think this is ok and peaceful." Someone saw the post and took screenshots of it and a few of the comments. Thankfully, the screenshots blocked the woman's face to protect her identity, so I don't know how old she is but it seems that there is consensus that she is young, so I’m guessing anywhere from high school to early 20s.
The ensuing comments on the original post are horrific (and apparently the screenshot only captured a few of the hundreds of comments): outright racist remarks/tired racist Asian tropes alluding to her foreignness and inability to speak English properly - "She is a rooser" and "She thinks she a smart wise ass...than she should get the hell out of our country!" (grammatical errors and spelling mistakes ironic because, you know, he's saying, ok you get it) as well as a double whammy that combines both sexism AND racism in one fell swoop, not to mention sexualization of a young woman: "Maybe she meant 'Happy Ending' but couldn't fit in on the sign ??? 😆😆😆” That last comment about the "happy ending" was posted by Jack Peters, a Leonia resident, President of Leonia Fire Company #1 and Lieutenant of the Leonia Volunteer Fire Department.
The post was eventually taken down, but not after it had already made the rounds and as you know, nothing ever completely disappears from the Internet. I’m not clear if the original poster faced any consequences or has said anything publicly, but our mayor caught wind of the post and had a long discussion with Jack Peters, who initially issued an apology to the town, but then soon after decided that he would voluntarily resign from both posts. The mayor announced the resignation on our town listserv as well as a Facebook group called “I grew up in Leonia” which has 2,600 members. I didn’t grow up here and I’m not a part of it, but according to its page, the group’s purpose is to “...reminisce about the past, reunite, share photos and documents, discuss history, and update each other about the town's present.” The comments that were posted in response to the mayor’s announcement are equally horrific, but perhaps not completely surprising. I have to admit that living in a town that is very politically liberal and also has a significant Korean population, I got complacent. I’ve personally experienced very little racism while living here the past five years, but this incident has been a jarring reminder of the ubiquity of racism, even in this progressive, diverse town.
I’m angry but shouting at people is not going to change anything. So below I’ve dissected why so much of what I read on that Facebook post is problematic. As they say, having the right language is key. We can’t begin to identify, assess and fight racism and white supremacy until we are able to name the issues and speak clearly about them.
Re the original post, a couple thoughts. 1) Imagine having the luxury of being more offended by the F word or outraged at a generalization about police written on a poster than what triggered that poster—a black man calmly being murdered in broad daylight by a police officer? Do I personally agree with the poster? No. But if you don’t understand WHY she wrote that poster—the ugly and persistent history of police brutality against Black people in our country—then you are missing the point entirely. 2) God I am so tired of the perpetual foreigner trope. It doesn’t matter if you are born and raised here and can speak, read and write English better than a lot of white people (fight me on this one), some people will look at you and automatically assume you’re not American. Are we seriously still discussing this right now? 3) The sexualization of a woman, let alone a young woman, is deeply disturbing, esp. by a man who some said is old enough to be her father.
Re the comments: there are a few recurring themes in the comments that are SO textbook. Robin DiAngelo, the author of White Fragility, described her experience giving talks to groups of white people on anti-racism training and said this: “It’s so consistent and so patterned, it’s like a script; after a while you can just stand there and say, ‘I can predict what a white person is going to say right now.’” What’s basically happening in the comments of this post is that white people are arguing with each other--some who think the right result happened, and some who think that things went “too far.” Here are some of the common themes coming up from those in that latter camp:
- “He’s a good man!” / “He’s a firefighter and public servant!” / “I know the kind of person he is!” → POINT: We should see the offender here as an individual and look at the totality of who he is, including his good works. COUNTERPOINT: White people want to be seen as individuals but are constantly generalizing and stereotyping all people of color (white people clutching their purses when a black man approaches, black people being followed in stores, Asians are good at math, etc.) Ironic, right? Because what did Jack Peters do? Oh that’s right, he took one look at that woman and insinuated in the joke that because she is an Asian woman, she’s a massage parlor prostitute. Also, the fact that he’s in public service is not supporting your argument. The onus is HIGHER on public servants to do the right thing because they need to have the trust of the public to do their work effectively. Don’t you see how this has come full circle from the poster expressing anger at the police?
- “This isn’t the town we grew up in!” → POINT: Things have gotten worse in our town based on this incident. COUNTERPOINT: Code words for the good ol’ days when white people could say what they wanted without consequence, and accountability for racism didn’t exist.
- “We all get emotional!” / “It was one mistake!” / “Get over it!” / “That’s not who he is.” → POINT: No one’s perfect, so he should be given a pass. It wasn’t that bad. He’s not really racist. Racism is not a big problem. COUNTERPOINT: A common tactic that denies the severity of a racist act and also minimizes the impact of that act on people of color. It’s telling people of color how to feel when confronted with racism, aka whitesplaining. The “That’s not who he is” is particularly laughable to me. If you’re able to make that kind of comment casually on Facebook, that is exactly who you are. You aren’t a racist on Facebook who is anti-racist in real life. There is an acronym used in psychology called DARVO. It’s a tactic people use where they: 1) Deny, 2) Attack, 3) Reverse Victim and Offender. This is the “deny” piece.
- “You should be ashamed of yourselves!” / “This is a witch hunt!” → POINT: This is an overreaction and we should not have to deal with this. You are not good people. COUNTERPOINT: This is the “attack” piece. Attacking the people who are trying to hold someone accountable.
- “He should not have had to lose his job!” / “Poor Jack!” / “This has turned into a lynch mob! (No, really. Someone said that. Ugh.) POINT: We are the victims. COUNTERPOINT: This is the “reverse victim and offender” piece of DARVO, making the offender out to be the victim. Quick fact check here: no one fired him. He resigned voluntarily.
While it is not the responsibility of people of color to take on the labor of educating white folks about their own racism, I needed to work this out for myself. A couple thoughts to close this out: 1. I am so disappointed in what I saw on that Facebook post, but maybe it was good to see the ugliness exposed so we can be reminded of what we’re dealing with. We ALL need to do the really hard, uncomfortable work of rooting out the racism in us and addressing it, but white people especially because white supremacy was built for them at the expense of people of color. It’s a problem when we’re still often at the very first stage of trying to get people to acknowledge that racism exists at all. 2. I am a pessimist at heart, but I also want to celebrate the many successes that have happened since the protests started, like Louisville passing Breonna’s Law which bans no-knock warrants and many cities redirecting funds from the police budget to services for health, homelessness, youth, education, etc. 3. There is no middle ground here. You have to make a decision as to which side you’re on. And if you don’t pick, it’s been picked for you.
The ensuing comments on the original post are horrific (and apparently the screenshot only captured a few of the hundreds of comments): outright racist remarks/tired racist Asian tropes alluding to her foreignness and inability to speak English properly - "She is a rooser" and "She thinks she a smart wise ass...than she should get the hell out of our country!" (grammatical errors and spelling mistakes ironic because, you know, he's saying, ok you get it) as well as a double whammy that combines both sexism AND racism in one fell swoop, not to mention sexualization of a young woman: "Maybe she meant 'Happy Ending' but couldn't fit in on the sign ??? 😆😆😆” That last comment about the "happy ending" was posted by Jack Peters, a Leonia resident, President of Leonia Fire Company #1 and Lieutenant of the Leonia Volunteer Fire Department.
The post was eventually taken down, but not after it had already made the rounds and as you know, nothing ever completely disappears from the Internet. I’m not clear if the original poster faced any consequences or has said anything publicly, but our mayor caught wind of the post and had a long discussion with Jack Peters, who initially issued an apology to the town, but then soon after decided that he would voluntarily resign from both posts. The mayor announced the resignation on our town listserv as well as a Facebook group called “I grew up in Leonia” which has 2,600 members. I didn’t grow up here and I’m not a part of it, but according to its page, the group’s purpose is to “...reminisce about the past, reunite, share photos and documents, discuss history, and update each other about the town's present.” The comments that were posted in response to the mayor’s announcement are equally horrific, but perhaps not completely surprising. I have to admit that living in a town that is very politically liberal and also has a significant Korean population, I got complacent. I’ve personally experienced very little racism while living here the past five years, but this incident has been a jarring reminder of the ubiquity of racism, even in this progressive, diverse town.
I’m angry but shouting at people is not going to change anything. So below I’ve dissected why so much of what I read on that Facebook post is problematic. As they say, having the right language is key. We can’t begin to identify, assess and fight racism and white supremacy until we are able to name the issues and speak clearly about them.
Re the original post, a couple thoughts. 1) Imagine having the luxury of being more offended by the F word or outraged at a generalization about police written on a poster than what triggered that poster—a black man calmly being murdered in broad daylight by a police officer? Do I personally agree with the poster? No. But if you don’t understand WHY she wrote that poster—the ugly and persistent history of police brutality against Black people in our country—then you are missing the point entirely. 2) God I am so tired of the perpetual foreigner trope. It doesn’t matter if you are born and raised here and can speak, read and write English better than a lot of white people (fight me on this one), some people will look at you and automatically assume you’re not American. Are we seriously still discussing this right now? 3) The sexualization of a woman, let alone a young woman, is deeply disturbing, esp. by a man who some said is old enough to be her father.
Re the comments: there are a few recurring themes in the comments that are SO textbook. Robin DiAngelo, the author of White Fragility, described her experience giving talks to groups of white people on anti-racism training and said this: “It’s so consistent and so patterned, it’s like a script; after a while you can just stand there and say, ‘I can predict what a white person is going to say right now.’” What’s basically happening in the comments of this post is that white people are arguing with each other--some who think the right result happened, and some who think that things went “too far.” Here are some of the common themes coming up from those in that latter camp:
- “He’s a good man!” / “He’s a firefighter and public servant!” / “I know the kind of person he is!” → POINT: We should see the offender here as an individual and look at the totality of who he is, including his good works. COUNTERPOINT: White people want to be seen as individuals but are constantly generalizing and stereotyping all people of color (white people clutching their purses when a black man approaches, black people being followed in stores, Asians are good at math, etc.) Ironic, right? Because what did Jack Peters do? Oh that’s right, he took one look at that woman and insinuated in the joke that because she is an Asian woman, she’s a massage parlor prostitute. Also, the fact that he’s in public service is not supporting your argument. The onus is HIGHER on public servants to do the right thing because they need to have the trust of the public to do their work effectively. Don’t you see how this has come full circle from the poster expressing anger at the police?
- “This isn’t the town we grew up in!” → POINT: Things have gotten worse in our town based on this incident. COUNTERPOINT: Code words for the good ol’ days when white people could say what they wanted without consequence, and accountability for racism didn’t exist.
- “We all get emotional!” / “It was one mistake!” / “Get over it!” / “That’s not who he is.” → POINT: No one’s perfect, so he should be given a pass. It wasn’t that bad. He’s not really racist. Racism is not a big problem. COUNTERPOINT: A common tactic that denies the severity of a racist act and also minimizes the impact of that act on people of color. It’s telling people of color how to feel when confronted with racism, aka whitesplaining. The “That’s not who he is” is particularly laughable to me. If you’re able to make that kind of comment casually on Facebook, that is exactly who you are. You aren’t a racist on Facebook who is anti-racist in real life. There is an acronym used in psychology called DARVO. It’s a tactic people use where they: 1) Deny, 2) Attack, 3) Reverse Victim and Offender. This is the “deny” piece.
- “You should be ashamed of yourselves!” / “This is a witch hunt!” → POINT: This is an overreaction and we should not have to deal with this. You are not good people. COUNTERPOINT: This is the “attack” piece. Attacking the people who are trying to hold someone accountable.
- “He should not have had to lose his job!” / “Poor Jack!” / “This has turned into a lynch mob! (No, really. Someone said that. Ugh.) POINT: We are the victims. COUNTERPOINT: This is the “reverse victim and offender” piece of DARVO, making the offender out to be the victim. Quick fact check here: no one fired him. He resigned voluntarily.
While it is not the responsibility of people of color to take on the labor of educating white folks about their own racism, I needed to work this out for myself. A couple thoughts to close this out: 1. I am so disappointed in what I saw on that Facebook post, but maybe it was good to see the ugliness exposed so we can be reminded of what we’re dealing with. We ALL need to do the really hard, uncomfortable work of rooting out the racism in us and addressing it, but white people especially because white supremacy was built for them at the expense of people of color. It’s a problem when we’re still often at the very first stage of trying to get people to acknowledge that racism exists at all. 2. I am a pessimist at heart, but I also want to celebrate the many successes that have happened since the protests started, like Louisville passing Breonna’s Law which bans no-knock warrants and many cities redirecting funds from the police budget to services for health, homelessness, youth, education, etc. 3. There is no middle ground here. You have to make a decision as to which side you’re on. And if you don’t pick, it’s been picked for you.
Thursday, November 8, 2018
Jonah's Ultimate Guide to Thomas & Friends
You wouldn't believe how many times I get asked questions about Thomas & Friends toys by virtue of the expert residing in my house (or if you've been over, you probably would believe it since our living room = Thomasland). It has happened so many times that I think it's about time I write a blog post on what Jonah knows to help his fellow budding Thomas enthusiasts, esp. with Christmas coming up soon.
This blog post would be pages and pages long if we reviewed all the different types of Thomas toys out there, so we're going to focus on five types of Thomas toys that we're familiar with. Generally, we buy the trains from Target, Fisher Price or Walmart.
1. Mega Bloks Thomas: This is a great toy for the little ones (the box says ages 2-5). They're Lego-like but much bigger (similar to the size of Lego's Duplo toys). There are a few different sets but Jonah has this one, the Happy Birthday Thomas set (also comes with Percy).
Jonah's review: the best part is the Sodor Sweet Shoppe angles forward to slide out presents!
link: https://www.amazon.com/Mega-Bloks-Friends-Birthday-Building/dp/B00U26LNH6/
2. Fisher Price Take N Play Thomas: These are the first real Thomas trains Jonah got into at around 20 months old. They are made of die-cast metal and have magnets at the front and back to connect the trains (first picture below). However, these have been discontinued. If you go to the Fisher Price website, they seem to have been replaced by the Thomas and Friends Adventures series, which are also die-cast but made of plastic, and instead of magnetic connectors have hook connectors (second picture below). You can still find Take N Play trains online but obviously whatever's in stock is it; there won't be any new ones made. Take N Play/Adventures trains start at $5 and can go up to $15 depending on the size of the train and whether the train comes with tenders and add-ons. There are lots of sets available as well. Some sets come with tracks and various buildings/locations within Sodor (i.e., Knapford Station, Tidmouth Sheds, Misty Island, etc.).
Jonah’s review: the best part is the magnets so you can connect them together!
3. Fisher Price Wood Thomas: This is the next set of Thomas trains that Jonah got into. They were originally called "Wooden Railway" but have gone through a redesign and are now just called "Wood." You can see the difference in appearance below--the first one is original Wooden Railway Thomas, second is the newly redesigned Wood Thomas:
4. Fisher Price Trackmaster: These are the motorized, battery-powered Thomas trains. This is what Jonah has been most into the past year. According to Jonah, most take AAA batteries but a couple are AA. These are the largest trains. They have their own tracks as well, which are not compatible with any other types of trains. These range from about $9 to $20. Jonah wanted me to point out that his favorite type of Trackmaster is the "Hyper Glow" ones that glow in the dark.
One important point to note (for all these types of trains) is that not every character is readily available (or made at all). And if you know Thomas world at all, there are SO MANY trains. So hopefully your kid is happy with whatever you find online or at the store. However. Jonah asked for a Trackmaster Henry, and when we couldn't find it anywhere, we had to resort to eBay (and spend $30 on it...). That was his birthday present. Sometimes you can get lucky at the brick and mortar Target and find odd trains (like oh hi there Hiro), but usually they stick to the basics like Thomas, Gordon, Emily, Percy, etc.
Jonah's review: I love that you can add a lot of tenders and the trains will still go!
5. Fisher Price Mini Thomas: Last but not least are the minis. If you haven't already noticed, the tiny toys are really popular lately. They come in individual pouches like the one below:
...and it's a mystery as to which one you'll get (I think they're called blind bags). We often get suckered into buying one of these for the kids at Target whether it's Thomas, Trolls, My Little Pony, Shopkins, etc. The minis also come in bigger packs (where you can see what you're getting) like 3-pack, 5-pack, 30-pack. Some are also glow in the dark. I read somewhere that there are over 70 of them. Here's Jonah with one of his mini carrying cases that carries 14 (he has way more than that...):
This blog post would be pages and pages long if we reviewed all the different types of Thomas toys out there, so we're going to focus on five types of Thomas toys that we're familiar with. Generally, we buy the trains from Target, Fisher Price or Walmart.
1. Mega Bloks Thomas: This is a great toy for the little ones (the box says ages 2-5). They're Lego-like but much bigger (similar to the size of Lego's Duplo toys). There are a few different sets but Jonah has this one, the Happy Birthday Thomas set (also comes with Percy).
Jonah's review: the best part is the Sodor Sweet Shoppe angles forward to slide out presents!
link: https://www.amazon.com/Mega-Bloks-Friends-Birthday-Building/dp/B00U26LNH6/
2. Fisher Price Take N Play Thomas: These are the first real Thomas trains Jonah got into at around 20 months old. They are made of die-cast metal and have magnets at the front and back to connect the trains (first picture below). However, these have been discontinued. If you go to the Fisher Price website, they seem to have been replaced by the Thomas and Friends Adventures series, which are also die-cast but made of plastic, and instead of magnetic connectors have hook connectors (second picture below). You can still find Take N Play trains online but obviously whatever's in stock is it; there won't be any new ones made. Take N Play/Adventures trains start at $5 and can go up to $15 depending on the size of the train and whether the train comes with tenders and add-ons. There are lots of sets available as well. Some sets come with tracks and various buildings/locations within Sodor (i.e., Knapford Station, Tidmouth Sheds, Misty Island, etc.).
Jonah’s review: the best part is the magnets so you can connect them together!
The wooden trains are generally the most expensive. The old Wooden Railway trains usually started at around $14 and ran up to $30+. The Wooden Railway Cranky the crane was $60! The new "Wood" series seems to be more affordable. Like the old Take N Play, you can still find some Wooden Railway trains online but it'll get harder and harder. If you want Wooden Railway trains, I'd check eBay or Craigslist. Jonah was the lucky recipient of most of his Wooden Railway trains from his uncle Ryan who had outgrown them (and who is only 4 years older than him haha).
The wooden and die-cast trains cannot be used on the same tracks. The die-cast trains have plastic tracks that are slightly narrower, and the wooden trains use wooden tracks. The good news is the wooden Thomas tracks are the same size as generic ones so you can save money buying generic. Jonah has a train table for his wooden trains and tracks. We got it a couple years ago on Walmart. If you do some searching you can find ones for under $100.
Jonah's review: I love that they fit on the wooden tracks!
One important point to note (for all these types of trains) is that not every character is readily available (or made at all). And if you know Thomas world at all, there are SO MANY trains. So hopefully your kid is happy with whatever you find online or at the store. However. Jonah asked for a Trackmaster Henry, and when we couldn't find it anywhere, we had to resort to eBay (and spend $30 on it...). That was his birthday present. Sometimes you can get lucky at the brick and mortar Target and find odd trains (like oh hi there Hiro), but usually they stick to the basics like Thomas, Gordon, Emily, Percy, etc.
Jonah's review: I love that you can add a lot of tenders and the trains will still go!
5. Fisher Price Mini Thomas: Last but not least are the minis. If you haven't already noticed, the tiny toys are really popular lately. They come in individual pouches like the one below:
...and it's a mystery as to which one you'll get (I think they're called blind bags). We often get suckered into buying one of these for the kids at Target whether it's Thomas, Trolls, My Little Pony, Shopkins, etc. The minis also come in bigger packs (where you can see what you're getting) like 3-pack, 5-pack, 30-pack. Some are also glow in the dark. I read somewhere that there are over 70 of them. Here's Jonah with one of his mini carrying cases that carries 14 (he has way more than that...):
The minis also have hooks so you can connect them. As far as I know, they don't make traditional tracks for minis but they do have sets like the one below:
Jonah's review: when the minis do the blue loop-de-loop on the set above--that's the best!
The Fisher Price site has an overview of all the Thomas toys they offer: https://www.fisher-price.com/en_US/brands/thomasandfriends/index.html
Hope this helps! You can thank Jonah's obsession for this post. If you have questions, let me know. I will direct them to the expert.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Resolution: Minimalism
One of my new year's resolutions is to embrace minimalism. This isn't a new topic--I'm always thinking about it in the back of my mind. But I decided that instead of it just being a nagging thought or a nebulous "wouldn't that be nice" (or an every-few-months freak-out where the crap literally drives me bonkers and I go into frenzied purging mode), I wanted to finally take some real steps to make it a thoughtful and sustainable model, one that becomes a part of my everyday life (and the family's).
At heart, I am truly a minimalist. When I see pictures online of sparse Scandinavian homes, I want to throw out everything in my house and live in a bright white box with a pretty white table and a white sofa (with a wool gray blanket perfectly draped over it). I want to have nothing. I am also very adversely affected by visual clutter. At work, if my desk is cluttered or dirty I can't get work done. My coworkers make fun of me for constantly attacking my desk with wet wipes. I often think about my advisor in college, Prof. Rabkin. I loved him as an advisor--the man is brilliant, funny, irreverent--but that man's office was so. cluttered. and. messy. When we had meetings, he would say "come on in!" and then literally knock over a tower of 15 books teetering on a chair so I could sit down. I would sit in our meeting silently in horror, stealing glances at the 15 books now flung all over the floor.
I'm a minimalist when it comes to possessions too. For the longest time, especially as a young working woman, I thought I needed to accessorize with different jewelry every day to look put together, so I'd go online or to the mall and buy fun costume jewelry here and there. But I ended up almost never wearing them. They'd just collect dust on the necklace tree in the corner of the bedroom. Every morning, I would instead default to the same earrings, the same necklace, the same bracelet, the same watch and my wedding ring--and what I really mean by that is I just never took any of it off, because I always sleep with all my jewelry on except the bracelet and watch. None of it was costume jewelry--they were all real gold or silver jewelry. Once I realized this about myself, I stopped buying costume jewelry entirely. I've come to realize that I don't do well with too many choices. I like wearing the same jewelry every day. I have a closet full of clothes but wear the same few sweaters in the winter, and the same t-shirts in the summer. I have about 5 nice bags but I use the same one every day. (Tangent: I also hate going to diners and Cheesecake Factory because the menus have a gajillion items.) Despite knowing this, I buy things. Why? I think it's the fun of the hunt. I think it's retail therapy. I think it's buying into the lie of consumerism. The worst part is the cycle that follows: you have too much stuff, so you go and spend more money on ways to organize the stuff, but the stuff eventually wins and takes over, then you stress about it, then you purge. Rinse and repeat. I read this quote somewhere: "Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly." -- Epictetus. Wuuut. So on point!
The following are some concrete steps I'm taking to to pursue minimalism. None of these are purely my own ideas--I've been doing a lot of reading and writing down tips I find helpful and adding my own thoughts to them.
1. Define your minimalism. Every person has his/her own idea of what minimalism looks like. I'm working on articulating and honing my version of minimalism.
The broad goals (the "what") I have written down so far are:
- to have less stuff of better quality in my house
- to buy less stuff overall
- to spend less money on stuff
The reasons (the "why") are:
- to free up more money and time to spend on people and causes and experiences and travel
- to simplify my life and have better focus on the important things
- to make the house less cluttered, and easier to clean, which means less time spent cleaning too
I'm never going to be the extreme minimalist I describe above, which is ok. But I want to find my happy equilibrium of minimalism.
2. Take inventory. Go through all your stuff, by type. For clothes/shoes/bags/etc., it can be helpful to write down what you have. Sometimes, you have so much crap that the good stuff is buried with the bad stuff and you forget you have it. Keep what you want to keep, declutter and get rid of the stuff you don't want (point 3 below) and make a shopping list of anything you don't have but really, actually need. This helps you to better use the stuff you do keep. I recently heard about an app called Stylebook and I want to try it out. It lets you upload pictures of your clothes, and then it puts together outfits for you. Sometimes I think good outfits are in my closet, I just don't have the mental energy to sit there and figure out what goes well with what.
3. Get rid of it. I've been on a mission getting rid of the clutter around the house. So far, I've done the kids' rooms, the linen closet, the kitchen and my closet. I still have to do the basement (uyyyy), my bedroom and the kids' toys (never ends...). Guidelines are, get rid of it if: a) I haven't used it in a while (other than seasonal items or occasionally-used items like tents or sports gear, unless it's really not getting used at all), b) it doesn't fit (you mean I won't ever again fit into that suit I bought when I was 24?), c) it's not in good shape and can't be easily repaired or d) my tastes have changed and I just don't like it anymore. I sell or donate the items in good condition, and the rest is thrown out. I use the Poshmark app to sell clothes/shoes/bags/accessories (I've made close to $1000 on there, but if I think about how much I spent on those items originally...ugh). If you and your friends are similar sizes, you can do a clothing/shoes swap. Size doesn't matter for accessories and anything else--home wares, kitchen stuff, kids' stuff, even furniture, etc. It's a good way to get more use out of the item and keep things out of landfills. Tip: do not get rid of toys when kids are home or awake. All of a sudden, that toy that was buried at the bottom of the toy chest for 6 months is "my favorite and I have to keep it!" Do it at night...with wine and George Michael.
4. Quality over quantity. When you actually need something, try to get something that's good quality and that will last. This obviously doesn't apply to everything, but clothes and shoes, I'm looking at you. I am as guilty as anyone of loving fast fashion. It's cheap and it's non-committal. It's also wreaking havoc on our environment, taking advantage of/abusing cheap labor and causing our landfills to overflow. I'm actually going to try to keep clothing purchases to a minimum in 2017 (I didn't say shoes right........), but if I do need something, I'm going to try to buy better quality, less quantity. There's a freedom that comes with this point--if you're buying less stuff, you can afford to spend more on each item, instead of constantly feeling the need to search for bargains. I'm also researching brands that are socially and environmentally conscious--if you know of good ones, let me know. Some people are going the "capsule wardrobe" route--which sounds nice but I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet. Maybe one day.
5. Repair and reuse, if possible. Let's be honest. There are certain things in your house that are broken and you KNOW you will not get around to fixing them, or you don't know how to fix them. And so they just sit there in the corner of your basement/kitchen/garage/etc. collecting dust and silently nagging at you. If you know it's not going to get fixed, and it's not worth the money or time to do it, just get rid of it. But. I bought a sewing machine (last year...it's still in the box...) because I want to learn how to sew. If I buy good quality clothes and they need small repairs, I want to be able to repair them myself on the sewing machine (again, once I learn how to use it). If the repair is harder, I can always go to my trusty tailor. For other non-clothing items, sometimes all you need is some superglue. Ask yourself, "can it be fixed?" before throwing it out and buying something new.
6. Don't buy organization items (furniture, bins, baskets, etc.) before you know exactly what you're organizing. Self-explanatory. I read this somewhere and I was like, "ugh why are you staring into my soul." I love organizing. It satisfies a deep need within me. I think it's genetic. One of my favorite things to do as a kid was to visit my dad's office. It was, for a budding organization freak, heaven. His desk was spotless. All his paper files were paper clipped in the exact same spot (an inch in from the left), and then perfectly stacked. I would go and take it all in, and sometimes for fun I would reorganize it.
7. If you need something, see if you can borrow it instead of buying it. Ask friends and family if they can lend you an item. If you need it once, and you borrow it and then return it, awesome--you didn't bring an extra item in your house and you didn't spend money. If you find that you need it often and are borrowing it often, it's a good sign that maybe you should buy the item.
8. Don't bring it into the house unless it's actually necessary/be zealous for your home/ask yourself 'do I need it?' multiple times. I read something a while ago that really helped me with this: we call all this collective stuff "clutter"--but it's not like it magically appeared in my house one day. I consciously brought it in. That really re-framed the way I thought about it. Why do we act like we are powerless in the fight against clutter--why are we resigned to it as our certain fate? This includes things we buy, but it can also include gifts and things you were given for free. It's simple, but hard. It does not come in the house unless you actually need it. This stops the cycle of getting and purging before it starts.
Be zealous for your home. Bring in things that are worthy to be in your house and live with you. Set the bar high so you're not buying or bringing home random crap. I think Marie Kondo uses the question "does it spark joy?" This doesn't apply to everything, and every blog post on Kondo inevitably has that commenter: "Does my vegetable peeler or jump cables spark joy for me? No but I need them." (eye roll) It obviously has its limits--apply it as you see fit.
Ask yourself "do I need this?" multiple times before buying something. One way I do this is to go online shopping, fill the cart, and then close the window. I mull over the item for a day or two. If I really think I need it, then I'll buy it. If not, I won't. I read that the act of shopping online and putting items in the virtual cart brings us the same satisfaction as actually buying the item (in other words, it's really about the hunt). I don't know if that's always true, but it makes sense.
9. Remember that minimalism is a means to an end. People embrace minimalism because they need a change in their lives. The worship of stuff is not working out--so they use minimalism as a way out. The funny thing is minimalism can also become a problem, if you end up worshiping it. It is a means to an end, but if you make it the end, you'll still be left stressed out because it won't satisfy you or solve your issues. I realize I do this--it's the classic "create order and gain control of your life when there otherwise isn't any order/control" move. When I'm stressed, I clean the house or I get rid of stuff or I organize or I make to-do lists. My house might be cleaner and neater (and my to-do list done), but I don't feel any different. I'm decluttering my house when I should be decluttering my life (so deep!). Usually, what I really need in that moment is to sit down, take a deep breath, be quiet, think, pray and listen to God. Minimalism won't satisfy you--it is a tool to help you get to a place where you are more satisfied. I think there's a very good reason that convents and monasteries are so sparse. Cut the crap, see the important stuff.
Is anyone else working on minimalism? Help me! Give me your tips and good ideas.
At heart, I am truly a minimalist. When I see pictures online of sparse Scandinavian homes, I want to throw out everything in my house and live in a bright white box with a pretty white table and a white sofa (with a wool gray blanket perfectly draped over it). I want to have nothing. I am also very adversely affected by visual clutter. At work, if my desk is cluttered or dirty I can't get work done. My coworkers make fun of me for constantly attacking my desk with wet wipes. I often think about my advisor in college, Prof. Rabkin. I loved him as an advisor--the man is brilliant, funny, irreverent--but that man's office was so. cluttered. and. messy. When we had meetings, he would say "come on in!" and then literally knock over a tower of 15 books teetering on a chair so I could sit down. I would sit in our meeting silently in horror, stealing glances at the 15 books now flung all over the floor.
I'm a minimalist when it comes to possessions too. For the longest time, especially as a young working woman, I thought I needed to accessorize with different jewelry every day to look put together, so I'd go online or to the mall and buy fun costume jewelry here and there. But I ended up almost never wearing them. They'd just collect dust on the necklace tree in the corner of the bedroom. Every morning, I would instead default to the same earrings, the same necklace, the same bracelet, the same watch and my wedding ring--and what I really mean by that is I just never took any of it off, because I always sleep with all my jewelry on except the bracelet and watch. None of it was costume jewelry--they were all real gold or silver jewelry. Once I realized this about myself, I stopped buying costume jewelry entirely. I've come to realize that I don't do well with too many choices. I like wearing the same jewelry every day. I have a closet full of clothes but wear the same few sweaters in the winter, and the same t-shirts in the summer. I have about 5 nice bags but I use the same one every day. (Tangent: I also hate going to diners and Cheesecake Factory because the menus have a gajillion items.) Despite knowing this, I buy things. Why? I think it's the fun of the hunt. I think it's retail therapy. I think it's buying into the lie of consumerism. The worst part is the cycle that follows: you have too much stuff, so you go and spend more money on ways to organize the stuff, but the stuff eventually wins and takes over, then you stress about it, then you purge. Rinse and repeat. I read this quote somewhere: "Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly." -- Epictetus. Wuuut. So on point!
The following are some concrete steps I'm taking to to pursue minimalism. None of these are purely my own ideas--I've been doing a lot of reading and writing down tips I find helpful and adding my own thoughts to them.
1. Define your minimalism. Every person has his/her own idea of what minimalism looks like. I'm working on articulating and honing my version of minimalism.
The broad goals (the "what") I have written down so far are:
- to have less stuff of better quality in my house
- to buy less stuff overall
- to spend less money on stuff
The reasons (the "why") are:
- to free up more money and time to spend on people and causes and experiences and travel
- to simplify my life and have better focus on the important things
- to make the house less cluttered, and easier to clean, which means less time spent cleaning too
I'm never going to be the extreme minimalist I describe above, which is ok. But I want to find my happy equilibrium of minimalism.
2. Take inventory. Go through all your stuff, by type. For clothes/shoes/bags/etc., it can be helpful to write down what you have. Sometimes, you have so much crap that the good stuff is buried with the bad stuff and you forget you have it. Keep what you want to keep, declutter and get rid of the stuff you don't want (point 3 below) and make a shopping list of anything you don't have but really, actually need. This helps you to better use the stuff you do keep. I recently heard about an app called Stylebook and I want to try it out. It lets you upload pictures of your clothes, and then it puts together outfits for you. Sometimes I think good outfits are in my closet, I just don't have the mental energy to sit there and figure out what goes well with what.
3. Get rid of it. I've been on a mission getting rid of the clutter around the house. So far, I've done the kids' rooms, the linen closet, the kitchen and my closet. I still have to do the basement (uyyyy), my bedroom and the kids' toys (never ends...). Guidelines are, get rid of it if: a) I haven't used it in a while (other than seasonal items or occasionally-used items like tents or sports gear, unless it's really not getting used at all), b) it doesn't fit (you mean I won't ever again fit into that suit I bought when I was 24?), c) it's not in good shape and can't be easily repaired or d) my tastes have changed and I just don't like it anymore. I sell or donate the items in good condition, and the rest is thrown out. I use the Poshmark app to sell clothes/shoes/bags/accessories (I've made close to $1000 on there, but if I think about how much I spent on those items originally...ugh). If you and your friends are similar sizes, you can do a clothing/shoes swap. Size doesn't matter for accessories and anything else--home wares, kitchen stuff, kids' stuff, even furniture, etc. It's a good way to get more use out of the item and keep things out of landfills. Tip: do not get rid of toys when kids are home or awake. All of a sudden, that toy that was buried at the bottom of the toy chest for 6 months is "my favorite and I have to keep it!" Do it at night...with wine and George Michael.
4. Quality over quantity. When you actually need something, try to get something that's good quality and that will last. This obviously doesn't apply to everything, but clothes and shoes, I'm looking at you. I am as guilty as anyone of loving fast fashion. It's cheap and it's non-committal. It's also wreaking havoc on our environment, taking advantage of/abusing cheap labor and causing our landfills to overflow. I'm actually going to try to keep clothing purchases to a minimum in 2017 (I didn't say shoes right........), but if I do need something, I'm going to try to buy better quality, less quantity. There's a freedom that comes with this point--if you're buying less stuff, you can afford to spend more on each item, instead of constantly feeling the need to search for bargains. I'm also researching brands that are socially and environmentally conscious--if you know of good ones, let me know. Some people are going the "capsule wardrobe" route--which sounds nice but I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet. Maybe one day.
5. Repair and reuse, if possible. Let's be honest. There are certain things in your house that are broken and you KNOW you will not get around to fixing them, or you don't know how to fix them. And so they just sit there in the corner of your basement/kitchen/garage/etc. collecting dust and silently nagging at you. If you know it's not going to get fixed, and it's not worth the money or time to do it, just get rid of it. But. I bought a sewing machine (last year...it's still in the box...) because I want to learn how to sew. If I buy good quality clothes and they need small repairs, I want to be able to repair them myself on the sewing machine (again, once I learn how to use it). If the repair is harder, I can always go to my trusty tailor. For other non-clothing items, sometimes all you need is some superglue. Ask yourself, "can it be fixed?" before throwing it out and buying something new.
6. Don't buy organization items (furniture, bins, baskets, etc.) before you know exactly what you're organizing. Self-explanatory. I read this somewhere and I was like, "ugh why are you staring into my soul." I love organizing. It satisfies a deep need within me. I think it's genetic. One of my favorite things to do as a kid was to visit my dad's office. It was, for a budding organization freak, heaven. His desk was spotless. All his paper files were paper clipped in the exact same spot (an inch in from the left), and then perfectly stacked. I would go and take it all in, and sometimes for fun I would reorganize it.
7. If you need something, see if you can borrow it instead of buying it. Ask friends and family if they can lend you an item. If you need it once, and you borrow it and then return it, awesome--you didn't bring an extra item in your house and you didn't spend money. If you find that you need it often and are borrowing it often, it's a good sign that maybe you should buy the item.
8. Don't bring it into the house unless it's actually necessary/be zealous for your home/ask yourself 'do I need it?' multiple times. I read something a while ago that really helped me with this: we call all this collective stuff "clutter"--but it's not like it magically appeared in my house one day. I consciously brought it in. That really re-framed the way I thought about it. Why do we act like we are powerless in the fight against clutter--why are we resigned to it as our certain fate? This includes things we buy, but it can also include gifts and things you were given for free. It's simple, but hard. It does not come in the house unless you actually need it. This stops the cycle of getting and purging before it starts.
Be zealous for your home. Bring in things that are worthy to be in your house and live with you. Set the bar high so you're not buying or bringing home random crap. I think Marie Kondo uses the question "does it spark joy?" This doesn't apply to everything, and every blog post on Kondo inevitably has that commenter: "Does my vegetable peeler or jump cables spark joy for me? No but I need them." (eye roll) It obviously has its limits--apply it as you see fit.
Ask yourself "do I need this?" multiple times before buying something. One way I do this is to go online shopping, fill the cart, and then close the window. I mull over the item for a day or two. If I really think I need it, then I'll buy it. If not, I won't. I read that the act of shopping online and putting items in the virtual cart brings us the same satisfaction as actually buying the item (in other words, it's really about the hunt). I don't know if that's always true, but it makes sense.
9. Remember that minimalism is a means to an end. People embrace minimalism because they need a change in their lives. The worship of stuff is not working out--so they use minimalism as a way out. The funny thing is minimalism can also become a problem, if you end up worshiping it. It is a means to an end, but if you make it the end, you'll still be left stressed out because it won't satisfy you or solve your issues. I realize I do this--it's the classic "create order and gain control of your life when there otherwise isn't any order/control" move. When I'm stressed, I clean the house or I get rid of stuff or I organize or I make to-do lists. My house might be cleaner and neater (and my to-do list done), but I don't feel any different. I'm decluttering my house when I should be decluttering my life (so deep!). Usually, what I really need in that moment is to sit down, take a deep breath, be quiet, think, pray and listen to God. Minimalism won't satisfy you--it is a tool to help you get to a place where you are more satisfied. I think there's a very good reason that convents and monasteries are so sparse. Cut the crap, see the important stuff.
Is anyone else working on minimalism? Help me! Give me your tips and good ideas.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Project: Raising Empathetic, Generous, Un-Entitled Kids
It's a topic that comes up a lot. It's written about a lot. Here's the latest one for your reading pleasure: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/how-to-raise-kinder-less-entitled-kids-according-to-science/2016/10/03/1a74fa3a-7525-11e6-b786-19d0cb1ed06c_story.html
I think about this a lot. I generally have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to this (or parenting in general, tbh) so I wanted to document what I've done so far and what I want to do in the future, so I can come back here, see where things have progressed well or not so well, and adjust accordingly. I also want to ask other parents what you do to raise empathetic, generous, un-entitled kids. Please share your awesome ideas with me. See? Sometimes the internet IS good for something other than looking up those burning but completely inconsequential questions that come to you just as you're about to fall asleep (like "are grizzly bears and black bears the same thing?") (btw, no, they're not).
I really liked the article above because it provides some psychological background as to why kids are the way they are. And it also gives some solid, practical ways for parents to help their kids better understand the world around them and in that process, hopefully become un-entitled. I've been reading A Path Appears and it actually quoted the same book about how we are more eager to help an individual in need than a faceless many. And I say things like "L! So many kids don't even have enough food to eat so eat that green vegetable!" or "L! You don't need any more Shopkins--some kids don't have any Shopkins!" but I feel like that doesn't really do much for the cause. Who are these so-called "kids" anyway, mom? And truth-be-told, I have, in fact, become my mom because she used to mention the poor African kids all the time as a way to combat our entitlement, and now I'm doing the same thing even though as a kid all I did was roll my eyes. After reading that chapter in A Path Appears, I decided that I wanted to give L concrete examples of how others are less fortunate than her, with a hope that it will instill in her a deep sense of gratitude as well as a tireless drive to help others. I signed up to sponsor a child through World Vision. I actually thought long and hard about the child we should sponsor. At first, I thought maybe we should sponsor a child in Africa, because the need seems particularly great there. But I ended up sponsoring a child from the Philippines. I did this because I wanted to show her the child and say, "look, here's a girl in the Philippines who's your age, she likes stickers like you, she even looks sort of like you, and yet her life is dramatically different than yours." We looked at her pictures together and read her profile that tells where she lives, what she likes, who's in her family, etc. and I could see L getting more and more interested. Just like the story in the article (where the guy's kids are excitedly shopping for two needy kids for Christmas), the WV child's birthday is coming up so L and I went to Target a couple weeks ago and L was way more excited to pick out gifts for her than she usually is for her own gifts.
As the kids get older, I want to make it a part of our lives to regularly and routinely volunteer. If you know of organizations that welcome little volunteers, please let me know. I know soup kitchens and food pantries can use kids for serving, sorting, etc. But knowing J, we might have to wait until he is 16.
I've been praying a lot that my kids would grow up to become people who are marked by humility, empathy and generosity. And you know how it is--raising children is often a very honest, unforgiving mirror of our own lives (and apparently I have one of those mirror mirrors that talks back to you because L will call me out so fast if I exhibit less than exemplary behavior). It challenges me to live my life in a way that exemplifies all these traits that I want to instill in her, because they're watching us all the time, like little stalkers. Well I was away on business the past two days, and when I got home, SH told me that last night, before bed, L prayed for the WV child. She remembered her name, remembered that she's from the Philippines, and said "God, please help my friend J in the Philippines who doesn't have a lot of things." That really melted my heart.
One big thesis of A Path Appears is that the government spends so much money for things later on in life (welfare, prison, etc.), but if even a fraction of that money were spent on babies and toddlers and preschoolers for programs like subsidized childcare, education for poor parents on the benefits of talking to and reading to their children, visiting nurse services to help poor mothers learn how to breastfeed and care for their children, etc., we would, by investing in people from the very beginning, radically change our country (if you can't tell already, I'm a big fan of this book--go buy it and read it). Maybe it won't happen in the near future, but for those of us who are fortunate enough to worry about raising un-entitled children, we have the opportunity to shape our country's future by raising those kids who will then become the adults who will fight for these causes, especially on behalf of those who can't fight for themselves. The world is going through a lot right now. I find myself feeling so sad on a regular basis after reading the news. We often bemoan to each other, "what kind of world will it be when our kids are grown up?" But the funny thing about that statement (which I admittedly say all the time) is that, it sort of makes our kids seem like passive inhabitants and inheritors of this world. But that doesn't have to be and shouldn't be the case. They can make their world better, and I think we as parents have the responsibility to raise them to be the citizens who will make their world better. It's a tall order, but it's also a really noble and privileged one. And please, remind me I said that last sentence when L complains about how her tutu doesn't have enough sequins.
I think about this a lot. I generally have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to this (or parenting in general, tbh) so I wanted to document what I've done so far and what I want to do in the future, so I can come back here, see where things have progressed well or not so well, and adjust accordingly. I also want to ask other parents what you do to raise empathetic, generous, un-entitled kids. Please share your awesome ideas with me. See? Sometimes the internet IS good for something other than looking up those burning but completely inconsequential questions that come to you just as you're about to fall asleep (like "are grizzly bears and black bears the same thing?") (btw, no, they're not).
I really liked the article above because it provides some psychological background as to why kids are the way they are. And it also gives some solid, practical ways for parents to help their kids better understand the world around them and in that process, hopefully become un-entitled. I've been reading A Path Appears and it actually quoted the same book about how we are more eager to help an individual in need than a faceless many. And I say things like "L! So many kids don't even have enough food to eat so eat that green vegetable!" or "L! You don't need any more Shopkins--some kids don't have any Shopkins!" but I feel like that doesn't really do much for the cause. Who are these so-called "kids" anyway, mom? And truth-be-told, I have, in fact, become my mom because she used to mention the poor African kids all the time as a way to combat our entitlement, and now I'm doing the same thing even though as a kid all I did was roll my eyes. After reading that chapter in A Path Appears, I decided that I wanted to give L concrete examples of how others are less fortunate than her, with a hope that it will instill in her a deep sense of gratitude as well as a tireless drive to help others. I signed up to sponsor a child through World Vision. I actually thought long and hard about the child we should sponsor. At first, I thought maybe we should sponsor a child in Africa, because the need seems particularly great there. But I ended up sponsoring a child from the Philippines. I did this because I wanted to show her the child and say, "look, here's a girl in the Philippines who's your age, she likes stickers like you, she even looks sort of like you, and yet her life is dramatically different than yours." We looked at her pictures together and read her profile that tells where she lives, what she likes, who's in her family, etc. and I could see L getting more and more interested. Just like the story in the article (where the guy's kids are excitedly shopping for two needy kids for Christmas), the WV child's birthday is coming up so L and I went to Target a couple weeks ago and L was way more excited to pick out gifts for her than she usually is for her own gifts.
As the kids get older, I want to make it a part of our lives to regularly and routinely volunteer. If you know of organizations that welcome little volunteers, please let me know. I know soup kitchens and food pantries can use kids for serving, sorting, etc. But knowing J, we might have to wait until he is 16.
I've been praying a lot that my kids would grow up to become people who are marked by humility, empathy and generosity. And you know how it is--raising children is often a very honest, unforgiving mirror of our own lives (and apparently I have one of those mirror mirrors that talks back to you because L will call me out so fast if I exhibit less than exemplary behavior). It challenges me to live my life in a way that exemplifies all these traits that I want to instill in her, because they're watching us all the time, like little stalkers. Well I was away on business the past two days, and when I got home, SH told me that last night, before bed, L prayed for the WV child. She remembered her name, remembered that she's from the Philippines, and said "God, please help my friend J in the Philippines who doesn't have a lot of things." That really melted my heart.
One big thesis of A Path Appears is that the government spends so much money for things later on in life (welfare, prison, etc.), but if even a fraction of that money were spent on babies and toddlers and preschoolers for programs like subsidized childcare, education for poor parents on the benefits of talking to and reading to their children, visiting nurse services to help poor mothers learn how to breastfeed and care for their children, etc., we would, by investing in people from the very beginning, radically change our country (if you can't tell already, I'm a big fan of this book--go buy it and read it). Maybe it won't happen in the near future, but for those of us who are fortunate enough to worry about raising un-entitled children, we have the opportunity to shape our country's future by raising those kids who will then become the adults who will fight for these causes, especially on behalf of those who can't fight for themselves. The world is going through a lot right now. I find myself feeling so sad on a regular basis after reading the news. We often bemoan to each other, "what kind of world will it be when our kids are grown up?" But the funny thing about that statement (which I admittedly say all the time) is that, it sort of makes our kids seem like passive inhabitants and inheritors of this world. But that doesn't have to be and shouldn't be the case. They can make their world better, and I think we as parents have the responsibility to raise them to be the citizens who will make their world better. It's a tall order, but it's also a really noble and privileged one. And please, remind me I said that last sentence when L complains about how her tutu doesn't have enough sequins.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Away in CT
I can't believe I haven't posted in over a year and a half. Where has the time gone? I think it was mostly spent on my hands and knees picking up cheerios and other crumbs of unknown origin off my floor. Seriously. The day after the cleaning lady comes, you'd never know she came by. -_-
Blogger.com used to be blocked at work and let's be honest, work is where I used to write most of my posts: during my lunch break, or my Starbucks coffee break, or my Starbucks Marshmallow Dream Bar break. But today I checked the site, just cuz, and for some reason, it's not blocked anymore. Maybe I will start blogging more regularly. I used to be a dedicated journaler in my younger days, but it's so hard to find time to do that now because see cheerios above. But I find that I love going back and reading old posts and remember things I forgot. I'll read a post and say to myself, "wuuut, J used to be a little baby who didn't eat more than his big sister??" That kind of thing.
Well today I want to memorialize a big occasion. The hubs and I went away on our first overnight getaway ever since kids. At first, I kept saying "first overnight trip since J!" but no. It's since L. Our last overnight getaway was when I was a 36-weeks-pregnant-with-L beached whale and we stayed at a great little B&B (which has unfortunately since closed) near the Poconos. That was 2011. I know. [insert horror face emoji here] My mom and aunts are here, so we took advantage and went away two Sundays ago. SH planned the whole trip. If anyone is looking for a quick getaway (parents or not), the trip we did is a great weekend getaway from the NYC area.
Mystic CT
We drove up to Mystic CT and first had lunch at the Oyster Club. It is an adorable little restaurant. We had raw oysters, NE clam chowder (best I've ever had--I love NE clam chowder but most are too thick and creamy--this one had a touch of creaminess but was very light) and coconut lemongrass mussels OMG. I'm still thinking about them. The waitress brought the bowl of mussels out and I gasped. It was huge. I think we counted over 30 of them. I think SH wanted to guzzle the broth from the bowl. But he's not shameless so he did not. The brunch entree was good but it was too late to the game--after the oysters, the beer, the mussels, the soup...we were so full that we couldn't finish it.
After Oyster Club we walked over to the water, where there's a cute little downtown area with small shops. We got to see the drawbridge go up (I took a video of the whole thing for L who loved watching it) and we grabbed ice cream at Mystic Drawbridge Ice Cream. Also very good.
Mohegan Sun
Next we drove to Mohegan Sun which is about a 25 minute drive. We came here once but it was probably ten years ago. We originally tried to do a Fri-Sat trip, but the hotel was $400. So we checked other dates and Sun-Mon was $129. The price discrepancy is crazy.
We went to the pool, listened to a free concert (Junior Brown? SH recognized him), walked around, had a quiet dinner, had really good blueberry cheesecake for dessert, then watched TV in the room before passing out with no children nearby. It was pretty glorious. The next day we grabbed a quick breakfast and hung out at the hotel for a while before leaving around 11am.
We'll definitely do this trip again with kids sometime. I hear Mystic has a great aquarium. Also, I was pleasantly surprised by how the common areas of Mohegan Sun were not smoky. If you're not going through the casino, it's not bad at all. The kids would have so much fun at the big pool, and there's also a kids zone indoor playground.
On the drive up, I said "don't forget, we need to take a picture of us to commemorate this trip." SH said "yup." ...we forgot. We are so terrible at taking pictures of us. Maybe that's because as of today, SH and I have been together 12 years. -_- Where does the time go? umm...cheerios.
Blogger.com used to be blocked at work and let's be honest, work is where I used to write most of my posts: during my lunch break, or my Starbucks coffee break, or my Starbucks Marshmallow Dream Bar break. But today I checked the site, just cuz, and for some reason, it's not blocked anymore. Maybe I will start blogging more regularly. I used to be a dedicated journaler in my younger days, but it's so hard to find time to do that now because see cheerios above. But I find that I love going back and reading old posts and remember things I forgot. I'll read a post and say to myself, "wuuut, J used to be a little baby who didn't eat more than his big sister??" That kind of thing.
Well today I want to memorialize a big occasion. The hubs and I went away on our first overnight getaway ever since kids. At first, I kept saying "first overnight trip since J!" but no. It's since L. Our last overnight getaway was when I was a 36-weeks-pregnant-with-L beached whale and we stayed at a great little B&B (which has unfortunately since closed) near the Poconos. That was 2011. I know. [insert horror face emoji here] My mom and aunts are here, so we took advantage and went away two Sundays ago. SH planned the whole trip. If anyone is looking for a quick getaway (parents or not), the trip we did is a great weekend getaway from the NYC area.
Mystic CT
We drove up to Mystic CT and first had lunch at the Oyster Club. It is an adorable little restaurant. We had raw oysters, NE clam chowder (best I've ever had--I love NE clam chowder but most are too thick and creamy--this one had a touch of creaminess but was very light) and coconut lemongrass mussels OMG. I'm still thinking about them. The waitress brought the bowl of mussels out and I gasped. It was huge. I think we counted over 30 of them. I think SH wanted to guzzle the broth from the bowl. But he's not shameless so he did not. The brunch entree was good but it was too late to the game--after the oysters, the beer, the mussels, the soup...we were so full that we couldn't finish it.
After Oyster Club we walked over to the water, where there's a cute little downtown area with small shops. We got to see the drawbridge go up (I took a video of the whole thing for L who loved watching it) and we grabbed ice cream at Mystic Drawbridge Ice Cream. Also very good.
Mohegan Sun
Next we drove to Mohegan Sun which is about a 25 minute drive. We came here once but it was probably ten years ago. We originally tried to do a Fri-Sat trip, but the hotel was $400. So we checked other dates and Sun-Mon was $129. The price discrepancy is crazy.We went to the pool, listened to a free concert (Junior Brown? SH recognized him), walked around, had a quiet dinner, had really good blueberry cheesecake for dessert, then watched TV in the room before passing out with no children nearby. It was pretty glorious. The next day we grabbed a quick breakfast and hung out at the hotel for a while before leaving around 11am.
We'll definitely do this trip again with kids sometime. I hear Mystic has a great aquarium. Also, I was pleasantly surprised by how the common areas of Mohegan Sun were not smoky. If you're not going through the casino, it's not bad at all. The kids would have so much fun at the big pool, and there's also a kids zone indoor playground.
On the drive up, I said "don't forget, we need to take a picture of us to commemorate this trip." SH said "yup." ...we forgot. We are so terrible at taking pictures of us. Maybe that's because as of today, SH and I have been together 12 years. -_- Where does the time go? umm...cheerios.
Friday, October 10, 2014
my cousin vinny and my first week of work
i am oh so very fortunate to have a husband who is almost 40 (love you), who likes to make me watch his favorite movies from the 80s and 90s. mostly bad ones, i mean, like terrible ones - case in point, the last dragon. don't tell me it's good. i know i will hear it from those who are part of its cult following but it's so bad. i mean, the very reason it has a cult following is because it's so unbelievably bad it's amusing. and for SH, the general rule is, the worse the movie, the better. one welcome exception to this rule is my cousin vinny. it's a great movie, and SH's favorite. apparently, he and his friends watched it so much in college they wore out the VHS (yes, VHS) tape, so they immediately went out and bought another one.
anyhow, yesterday all of a sudden this scene popped into my head:
the moral of this post is come over and play with our kids and help us pack. i will pay you with food, since i'm cooking all the damn time anyway. and maybe my cousin vinny will even be on TV. i mean it's on all the time. and who doesn't need a little more marisa tomei wearing an english garden as a romper in their lives?
anyhow, yesterday all of a sudden this scene popped into my head:
"Lisa, I don't need this. I swear to God, I do not need this right now, okay? I've got a judge that's just aching to throw me in jail. An idiot who wants to fight me for two hundred dollars. Slaughtered pigs. Giant loud whistles. I ain't slept in five days. I got no money, a dress code problem, AND a little murder case which, in the balance, holds the lives of two innocent kids. Not to mention your [tap tap] BIOLOGICAL CLOCK - my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on? Is there any more shit we can pile on to the top of the outcome of this case? Is it possible?"
fyi, this is my second favorite part of the movie, right after the "doe-eyed deer" scene. anyway...i think there's a reason i thought of this scene. it was my first full week of work after mat leave. my mom left two days before i started work. we are in the process of buying a house, and the mortgage application process has been painfully drawn out because the property is new construction. our current house is a mess - in a weird limbo between living and packing. lana and jonah are both sick. i cook what feels like all the time (and burnt a pasta casserole i made and almost cried). jonah is still on a bottle strike and will eat max 6oz all day while i'm at work, so i'm an anxious mess every day as i rush home to nurse him, all while feeling terrible for the nanny. i keep getting stuck in traffic - first it was the UN, then it was obama, then it was a bus with a blown tire. my pelvic problem has not fully gone away. my postpartum insane-hair-falling-out stage has begun. i am really really exhausted. but at the same time, i don't know. i mean. i'm not really surprised, i'm not really mad or upset. i'm just tired. and i think this is probably normal for a working mom with two kids. exhaustion = normal. -_- it also probably gets much better once jonah is a little older (please tell me i am not deluded in thinking this). the easiest part in all this is work itself. work is easy compared to everything else that happens as a result of work! i think 50% of my stress would be reduced if i didn't have to commute, or if i could teleport. i'd take either, though i'd prefer the latter, because then i could teleport to hawaii or florida if i need a break and be back by dinnertime.
so. that was my week. so, SO thankful that it's friday and that i work from home on fridays, although it hasn't been much of a break at all being home with a sick toddler and a baby who refuses to take even an ounce from a bottle because he knows i'm home, even though i'm hiding upstairs. HOW DO THEY KNOW??
but then i look at this picture and i, you know, feel a little better.
so. that was my week. so, SO thankful that it's friday and that i work from home on fridays, although it hasn't been much of a break at all being home with a sick toddler and a baby who refuses to take even an ounce from a bottle because he knows i'm home, even though i'm hiding upstairs. HOW DO THEY KNOW??
but then i look at this picture and i, you know, feel a little better.
the moral of this post is come over and play with our kids and help us pack. i will pay you with food, since i'm cooking all the damn time anyway. and maybe my cousin vinny will even be on TV. i mean it's on all the time. and who doesn't need a little more marisa tomei wearing an english garden as a romper in their lives?
Sunday, September 28, 2014
i think someone messed with the speed of time
i'm serious. seriously, for serious, where did this year go? and at the risk of being the 46934985th mom to say this - where did my maternity leave go? i mean, really, where did it go?? i had jonah, then it was a blur, then i was soooo sleepy (i think that was my last post), then i breastfed what felt like every minute of every day and my boobs hurt like hell, then they got better, then it was more of a blur, then jonah started sleeping a lot better and now i go back to work. the last post i wrote was when jonah was 5 weeks old, and now he's over 3 months old! i mean, i start work in THREE DAYS. :( truth is i don't mind work itself, but i'm just not ready to go back yet. i'm really not. there's so much i wanted to get done during leave and it didn't happen. i wanted to start working out (nope). i wanted to get jonah on a 3 hour schedule (nope - the kid wants to eat ALL. THE. TIME. i guess you don't get to be a 17 pound 3 month old by eating every 3 hours). i wanted to declutter the house (nope). i wanted to get lana sleep trained. (NOPE.) perhaps i was too ambitious. or perhaps someone really did speed up time. in which case i should get some more leave time to get these things done.
despite everything i didn't get done, my maternity leave was really awesome. it's been so nice being at home with both kids (read: it's been so nice being home with both kids, with my mom doing almost everything). even though most of the time i was focused on jonah, i've been able to spend a lot of quality time with lana too. i love picking her up from school and taking her to the playground, something i can't do once i go back to work. i think she's the kid that makes her teachers think to themselves, "i'm not getting paid enough for this." other kids get picked up by their parents and it's a quick hi/bye, but when i pick up lana the teachers always have a bunch of stories to share with me. -_- at least they usually say it with smiles on their faces (though sometimes, they look really tired...mental note: get teachers nice christmas gifts).
jonah is 100 days old today. we celebrated with family yesterday, and i'm glad the timing worked out that my mom could be here for it. someone wasn't thrilled about wearing a suit so we took it off him. but i did manage to get a tie on his onesie. :)
despite everything i didn't get done, my maternity leave was really awesome. it's been so nice being at home with both kids (read: it's been so nice being home with both kids, with my mom doing almost everything). even though most of the time i was focused on jonah, i've been able to spend a lot of quality time with lana too. i love picking her up from school and taking her to the playground, something i can't do once i go back to work. i think she's the kid that makes her teachers think to themselves, "i'm not getting paid enough for this." other kids get picked up by their parents and it's a quick hi/bye, but when i pick up lana the teachers always have a bunch of stories to share with me. -_- at least they usually say it with smiles on their faces (though sometimes, they look really tired...mental note: get teachers nice christmas gifts).
anyway, it's not so much the work part that i'm worried about, it's everything else that happens as a result - waking up super early, the morning craze, commuting, pumping at work, jamming all errands into the weekend, cooking all day sunday for the week ahead, etc. i keep thinking back in awe at my pre-kids life, esp. the weekday mornings. i mean, we got up, walked sammie, drank some coffee, showered, and went out the door? unbelievable. did we know how good we had it?? what makes it infinitely worse is that my mom leaves tomorrow. insert a million frowny faces here. she's been doing everything for us. i don't think i'll ever really know how hard it is to have a new baby because my mom did so much of the stuff that parents normally have to do. in jonah's 3+ months of life i think i've bathed him about 5 times. my mom did all the rest of the baths. i think in the past 3 months i've cooked dinner about 5 times also. my mom cooked every other home-cooked meal (and we did eat out a bit on days when everyone was down for the count). she did a lot of the daycare dropoffs and pickups for lana. she made sure i took a 2 hr nap every day, even if it meant watching both kids (something i haven't yet done for more than one hour at a time). i know we'll eventually find our rhythm and be ok (i think), but i'm a little terrified of going down to man-to-man coverage with the kids. since jonah's been born it's always been 3 on 2, and now it's going to be 2 on 2. -_- and sometimes, i think lana is more like 1.5. but jonah is a pretty good sleeper so far (sleeps up to 5-7 hr stretches) so that makes things much better. but honestly, i know that these are the complaints and fears of someone who is extremely lucky and blessed - blessed with having been spoiled by help from family, blessed with two awesome kids, blessed with jobs. i know it's going to be crazy but i guess that's the definition of life with kids? i probably wouldn't change much at all (except my parents living here...and maybe a much shorter commute...and eventually working part-time...and cheaper housing prices...ok fine maybe i'd change some things but you get the point). i thank God every day for these "problems" in my life but that doesn't change the fact that i still am terrified. so i'm praying for a smooth transition.
jonah is 100 days old today. we celebrated with family yesterday, and i'm glad the timing worked out that my mom could be here for it. someone wasn't thrilled about wearing a suit so we took it off him. but i did manage to get a tie on his onesie. :)
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
5.5 weeks in: i dream of sleep
jonahpants was 5 weeks old this past saturday. on friday we went to his one month appointment and he now weighs almost 11 pounds. no one would ever guess he was a late-term preemie. he gained 4 pounds in 4 weeks - so he went from the 20th percentile to the 75th percentile. my arms know it ain't no lie.
he's been good overall. there was that growth spurt stage at 2-3 weeks that was rough, and he's getting gassier which sometimes makes feedings harder. he's also learned that being held beats lying alone in the crib or bouncer. but overall i don't think we can really complain. it's hard and tiring but it's normal hard and tiring. 2 nights ago he slept a 4 hour stretch which was glorious. 4 hours feels like 7 these days. i hope he continues to stretch out his night feedings. i take naps every day but i'm still living in that sleep deprivation fog, the one where you'd give up riches and fame and a date with mark wahlberg for just 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. i'm bracing myself though - while most of the early days with lana are now a blur at best, i still remember very clearly one particular night when she was 6 weeks old. she didn't eat or sleep from 9pm-3am. she cried the entire 6 hours. we were in complete panic mode and utterly exhausted. when we started telling our pediatrician about it, he chuckled and said it was the "witching hour" which for some reason conjured very disturbing scenes from the blair witch project. apparently babies are known to be super fussy in the evenings. i was so relieved to find out it was a known phenomenon and it wasn't just our kid being a baby terrorist. after doing some extremely scientific research on the internets, i also learned that 6-9 weeks of age is particularly difficult for everyone involved. it is a period of rapid neurological development for the babies so they go through a lot of fussiness, this on top of the gas issue. so they don't eat well, don't sleep well, they cry and cry, and in turn make their parents cry too. all this to say, jonah baby, please be kind to mommy and daddy the next few weeks.
he's been good overall. there was that growth spurt stage at 2-3 weeks that was rough, and he's getting gassier which sometimes makes feedings harder. he's also learned that being held beats lying alone in the crib or bouncer. but overall i don't think we can really complain. it's hard and tiring but it's normal hard and tiring. 2 nights ago he slept a 4 hour stretch which was glorious. 4 hours feels like 7 these days. i hope he continues to stretch out his night feedings. i take naps every day but i'm still living in that sleep deprivation fog, the one where you'd give up riches and fame and a date with mark wahlberg for just 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. i'm bracing myself though - while most of the early days with lana are now a blur at best, i still remember very clearly one particular night when she was 6 weeks old. she didn't eat or sleep from 9pm-3am. she cried the entire 6 hours. we were in complete panic mode and utterly exhausted. when we started telling our pediatrician about it, he chuckled and said it was the "witching hour" which for some reason conjured very disturbing scenes from the blair witch project. apparently babies are known to be super fussy in the evenings. i was so relieved to find out it was a known phenomenon and it wasn't just our kid being a baby terrorist. after doing some extremely scientific research on the internets, i also learned that 6-9 weeks of age is particularly difficult for everyone involved. it is a period of rapid neurological development for the babies so they go through a lot of fussiness, this on top of the gas issue. so they don't eat well, don't sleep well, they cry and cry, and in turn make their parents cry too. all this to say, jonah baby, please be kind to mommy and daddy the next few weeks.
speaking of terrorists, lanapants has become one. we've been very fortunate that lana has been overall very easy behaviorally. she is easy to take out and about, listens pretty well, has a very happy temperament and doesn't tantrum much. that was...until a few weeks ago. she has been an utter terror the past few weeks. it's probably a combination of jonah jealousy and becoming three soon. In the US we talk about terrible twos but in korea it's actually terrible threes and this time i think the koreans got it right. she is still very sweet to jonah and i don't think she'll ever take it out on him, but she often gets jealous if someone holds jonah, like she'll ask me to hold her right when i start feeding him. she throws tantrums for no apparent reason and we cannot figure out what's wrong bc she refuses to talk. she gives major attitude. she's regressing in the potty training department. it's pretty exhausting. and since she hasn't given us much reason to practice discipline until now, we find ourselves often wondering whether to approach her with toughness or gentleness. on monday she had a total meltdown and i felt i had no choice but to put on the mean mom face and discipline her pretty strictly. it actually worked though which was encouraging. while she's pushing boundaries like crazy she doesn't not care about our reaction - she definitely fears "time out" and getting punished. this is an area of parenthood i could do without - tips are appreciated from seasoned (and battered) parents. now i feel bad about all those times andy and i fought and drove my mom crazy, even though, obviously, he always started it.
anyway, to give my mom and me a break, sh took lana to my in-laws' place yesterday for the night. then my mom offered to take jonah overnight so i could get a real night's sleep. i tried to fight her bc i thought it'd be too tiring for her but she wouldn't take no for an answer. i couldn't really sleep for the whole night straight bc the milk factory operates 24/7, but i definitely slept so much better without jonah. i went to my mom's room to nurse him once at midnight, then pumped one other time. but basically i slept from 9-5:30 and only woke up twice so it was so nice! sh probably slept the night straight though… -_-
anyway, to give my mom and me a break, sh took lana to my in-laws' place yesterday for the night. then my mom offered to take jonah overnight so i could get a real night's sleep. i tried to fight her bc i thought it'd be too tiring for her but she wouldn't take no for an answer. i couldn't really sleep for the whole night straight bc the milk factory operates 24/7, but i definitely slept so much better without jonah. i went to my mom's room to nurse him once at midnight, then pumped one other time. but basically i slept from 9-5:30 and only woke up twice so it was so nice! sh probably slept the night straight though… -_-
Monday, July 14, 2014
jonahpants: 3 weeks
jonah's actual due date was yesterday, 7/13 (again, can't IMAGINE), but he is showing no signs of being an early baby. in one week, he gained 1lb 3oz, so as of last friday he was 8lb 9oz. he is fattening up and getting noticeably chubbier by the day. he is definitely able to take in more at every feeding. he is rarely satisfied with 2oz anymore and has even eaten 4+oz here and there. he's falling into a pattern of cluster feeding in the evenings - eating almost every hour for about a three-hour stretch sometime between the hours of 8pm and 1am and then sleeping a good 3-3.5 hours till the next feeding. sometimes we get lucky and that stretch is 10-12, and other times we are not so lucky and it's 12-2 -_-.
the big thing that happened this past week is we found out that jonah needed to get circumcised…again. our pediatrician told us two weeks ago that he didn't like the way it looked, and that he thought my OB had botched the initial job by not taking enough skin off. so last week we went to see a pediatric urologist who confirmed that it would need to be redone. he said we had a choice to do it now or later on when he's around 2, but later on means general anesthesia because it's hard to control a flailing 2 year old. needless to say, we were so pissed. it's hard enough to deal with the fact that they have to go through it once (though, i'm pretty sure it's harder on us than it is on him), but to have to make him go through it again really made us mad. i called my OB and told her what our pediatrician said, but she stood by her procedure and said she did it right, and that she was making sure she didn't take too much off because that comes with its own complications. i mean, what do i say to that? i just left that conversation at that. anyway, so we opted to do it right away - why not avoid general anesthesia if you can. so today was the procedure. we really really loved the pediatric urologist. he was so friendly, warm and reassuring, and true to his word, the whole procedure seemed to take less than 10 minutes. i'm just so glad it's over and hopefully this time it's done properly and we don't have to deal with this again.
my recovery feels like it's two steps forward, one step back. there are days when i feel pretty good, and i don't know, maybe because i feel pretty good i overdo it, which makes the next day not feel so good? not sure if that's the case or not but i guess it's possible. some days i don't really feel the incision too much, and other days it (and the surrounding area) stings/pinches/pulls/hurts so much. today i actually felt a little pelvic pain and i freaked out that the SPD was coming back, but i'm hoping it's not that...and that the pain was just a result of sleeping on my side last night, which i think was a bad move. i think (hope/pray) that i'm still just very stiff in the pelvic/hip area and the sleeping on the side put extra pressure on those bones. we'll see how i feel the next few days. once i hit one month postpartum i'm going to start going to the chiropractor/acupuncturist again. i think that'll help my hip, pelvic bone, back, etc. loosen up a bit. i'm starting to feel restless though. i can't wait to feel normal and be out and about again. because i only gained 13 pounds during the pregnancy, i've lost all the extra weight, but it'll take a while for my belly to go down and for me to be back in non-maternity clothes. but once i am wearing my normal clothes again, i feel a shopping spree coming on. :D
jonahpants! (smiling after making a big poo)
the big thing that happened this past week is we found out that jonah needed to get circumcised…again. our pediatrician told us two weeks ago that he didn't like the way it looked, and that he thought my OB had botched the initial job by not taking enough skin off. so last week we went to see a pediatric urologist who confirmed that it would need to be redone. he said we had a choice to do it now or later on when he's around 2, but later on means general anesthesia because it's hard to control a flailing 2 year old. needless to say, we were so pissed. it's hard enough to deal with the fact that they have to go through it once (though, i'm pretty sure it's harder on us than it is on him), but to have to make him go through it again really made us mad. i called my OB and told her what our pediatrician said, but she stood by her procedure and said she did it right, and that she was making sure she didn't take too much off because that comes with its own complications. i mean, what do i say to that? i just left that conversation at that. anyway, so we opted to do it right away - why not avoid general anesthesia if you can. so today was the procedure. we really really loved the pediatric urologist. he was so friendly, warm and reassuring, and true to his word, the whole procedure seemed to take less than 10 minutes. i'm just so glad it's over and hopefully this time it's done properly and we don't have to deal with this again.
my recovery feels like it's two steps forward, one step back. there are days when i feel pretty good, and i don't know, maybe because i feel pretty good i overdo it, which makes the next day not feel so good? not sure if that's the case or not but i guess it's possible. some days i don't really feel the incision too much, and other days it (and the surrounding area) stings/pinches/pulls/hurts so much. today i actually felt a little pelvic pain and i freaked out that the SPD was coming back, but i'm hoping it's not that...and that the pain was just a result of sleeping on my side last night, which i think was a bad move. i think (hope/pray) that i'm still just very stiff in the pelvic/hip area and the sleeping on the side put extra pressure on those bones. we'll see how i feel the next few days. once i hit one month postpartum i'm going to start going to the chiropractor/acupuncturist again. i think that'll help my hip, pelvic bone, back, etc. loosen up a bit. i'm starting to feel restless though. i can't wait to feel normal and be out and about again. because i only gained 13 pounds during the pregnancy, i've lost all the extra weight, but it'll take a while for my belly to go down and for me to be back in non-maternity clothes. but once i am wearing my normal clothes again, i feel a shopping spree coming on. :D
jonahpants! (smiling after making a big poo)
Sunday, July 6, 2014
7/7/14
if jonah hadn't come early, tomorrow would have been his birthday. 7/7/14 would have been a nice birthday...but i think the good lord knew i was really at my wit's end and so allowed for jonah to come early. i can't IMAGINE still being pregnant, and with how my pelvic pain was progressively getting worse, i probably would've been on bedrest the past couple weeks if he were still inside my belly. speaking of pelvic pain -- i am now basically off pain meds (fully off the percocet and only taking advil as needed) and it seems like the pelvic pain is gone! i guess it's really true that it can go away right after you give birth. just shows you how powerful (and scary) hormones are. the hormones are also making me experience some crazy mood swings. my highs are so high and my lows are so low. they're pretty short-lived but i can actually feel them coming on. i don't remember them being so distinct and recognizable with lana.
jonah was 2 weeks this past saturday. at his 2 week appointment, he weighed 7 lbs 6 oz, so he gained a half a pound in a week! boy eats and sleeps and poos like a champ. i think since yesterday he's been going through a growth spurt. he used to sleep a good 3-3.5 hours in between feedings, but since yesterday he's been waking up sometimes every hour or every other hour screaming and ravenous. -_- of course, it's more frequent at night. i think his days and nights are slightly flipped, much to our dismay.
lana has been a great older sister. the first week she definitely acted out but since then she seems to have gotten into the swing of things. she is so sweet to jonah and gives him lots of kisses, and whenever she wants to touch him she says "i need to wash my hands first, right?" i think she's liking this whole new sibling thing because everyone that comes over seems to be so concerned about how she's adjusting that they bring just as many gifts for her as they do for jonah! we keep joking that she'll want more siblings to keep up the parade of gifts coming to her.
sh goes back to work on wednesday and i am kind of dreading it. when he's home, it's 3 adults to 2 kids so we outnumber the little suckers. once he goes back to work, it'll be man to man with my mom and me. lana goes to school mon/wed/fri so those days will be easier, and come august she'll be in school every day. just gotta get through the first several weeks and hopefully we'll fall into a rhythm.
i'm feeling much better the past few days - the incision is less painful and i'm more mobile. i still feel really tired by early afternoon though and that's when i try to get in my 2 hour nap. the hardest thing is breastfeeding. i forgot how hard it is! we really do have parenting amnesia. i keep saying "was breastfeeding this hard with lana?" and it probably was, but i really have a hard time remembering. i'm already dreading the prospect of pumping at work even though i have 12 more weeks until i have to deal with that. i can't believe some mommy friends pumped 3x a day. i mean, how do you get any work done? also, how do you even manage that? i mean...i just HATE pumping. i'm just aiming to do one time a day. i wanted to pump in my office but my new office at TD, well, the walls are glass. -_-
here's our little guy - he's getting better at opening both eyes and staying awake for longer stretches. he's also always making these super serious faces.
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jonah was 2 weeks this past saturday. at his 2 week appointment, he weighed 7 lbs 6 oz, so he gained a half a pound in a week! boy eats and sleeps and poos like a champ. i think since yesterday he's been going through a growth spurt. he used to sleep a good 3-3.5 hours in between feedings, but since yesterday he's been waking up sometimes every hour or every other hour screaming and ravenous. -_- of course, it's more frequent at night. i think his days and nights are slightly flipped, much to our dismay.
lana has been a great older sister. the first week she definitely acted out but since then she seems to have gotten into the swing of things. she is so sweet to jonah and gives him lots of kisses, and whenever she wants to touch him she says "i need to wash my hands first, right?" i think she's liking this whole new sibling thing because everyone that comes over seems to be so concerned about how she's adjusting that they bring just as many gifts for her as they do for jonah! we keep joking that she'll want more siblings to keep up the parade of gifts coming to her.
sh goes back to work on wednesday and i am kind of dreading it. when he's home, it's 3 adults to 2 kids so we outnumber the little suckers. once he goes back to work, it'll be man to man with my mom and me. lana goes to school mon/wed/fri so those days will be easier, and come august she'll be in school every day. just gotta get through the first several weeks and hopefully we'll fall into a rhythm.
i'm feeling much better the past few days - the incision is less painful and i'm more mobile. i still feel really tired by early afternoon though and that's when i try to get in my 2 hour nap. the hardest thing is breastfeeding. i forgot how hard it is! we really do have parenting amnesia. i keep saying "was breastfeeding this hard with lana?" and it probably was, but i really have a hard time remembering. i'm already dreading the prospect of pumping at work even though i have 12 more weeks until i have to deal with that. i can't believe some mommy friends pumped 3x a day. i mean, how do you get any work done? also, how do you even manage that? i mean...i just HATE pumping. i'm just aiming to do one time a day. i wanted to pump in my office but my new office at TD, well, the walls are glass. -_-
here's our little guy - he's getting better at opening both eyes and staying awake for longer stretches. he's also always making these super serious faces.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
baby jonah
well...it seems that baby jonah decided that he had had enough of this pregnancy too! here is the labor and delivery story:
i woke up early saturday morning around 6am with intense lower back and lower abdominal pain on my right side. it didn't feel like normal pregnancy pains, so i had an inkling it might be labor but i had also been having a lot of braxton hicks so didn't believe it was real at first. SH massaged my back for an hour and i was able to fall back asleep for a while. i woke up around 9am and felt much better - the pain had subsided for the most part - but then i started experiencing contractions. i tried timing them but they weren't consistent. 5 minutes apart, then 7, then 9, then 12, then back down to 7, etc. and they never lasted more than several seconds. i ate breakfast and tried to ride them out for a bit in case they were fake, but at around 10:30am they still hadn't gone away and they were getting painful, so i decided to call my OB just in case. she said to go the hospital so she can be sure it isn't real labor. i took a shower, grabbed the hospital bag, and SH and i went to hackensack hospital at around 11:30am.
as soon as i got there, i got hooked up to an IV. they said my urine test showed i was a little dehydrated, and dehydration can cause contractions so they were trying to get more fluids in me. since i was still early (36 weeks, 6 days) they were trying to avoid labor if possible. at my OB appointment two days before, my OB was concerned because i had low levels of amniotic fluid. she told me to drink as much water as possible, so i had been guzzling water as much as i could but apparently, to my surprise, i was still a little dehydrated. while on the IV the resident checked my dilation and said i was barely dilated. after about two hours on the IV, they waited to see if my contractions calmed down. if they did, i'd go back home. but the contractions actually got way worse right after finishing the IV, and when the resident came back to check on me, i had dilated to 1-2cm. the nurse called my doctor who then said in light of the stronger contractions, she wanted to get the baby out. SH and i looked at each other like o_O. i guess we both knew it was a possibility that i'd have the baby that day, but since i had had a false alarm before, we were thinking it might just be another one.
the hospital staff then started prepping for delivery. since it was a saturday, my OB wasn't working. we had to wait for her to come, as well as the other OB staff on call. the OB nurse on call came in and introduced herself. she then asked if i already have a baby, so i told her lana was born at hackensack almost 3 years ago. she says, "i knew you looked familiar!" turns out, she was my nurse for lana too! i'm usually really good with faces but i guess when you're confronted with l&d that's the last thing your brain remembers. she was seriously the best - so warm, friendly, comforting, supportive. so she starts preparing, and at one point she called my OB to find out where she was. OB said "i'll be there in 5 minutes." but 15 minutes later, she still hadn't arrived. when she finally got there, she said "i got a ticket!!" i felt so bad. she said the cop was a jerk and gave her a ticket even though she has MD plates and said she had an emergency c-section to get to. ?!?! she said he said "yeah yeah i'm sure you do, i hear that all the time." Well maybe you hear that all the time because it's true, because you're a cop in hackensack which has one of the biggest hospitals in the area! ugh. it's nearing the end of the month isn't it? someone's gotz quotas to fill...
anyway, so i got wheeled into the OR at around 5ish. everything went well. i spoke with the anesthesiologist beforehand and told him i have a high tolerance to anesthesia and that i had major teeth clenching/chattering with the last c-section, so he said he'd give me extra drugs and something to help with the clenching. this time, i wore my hockey mouthguard during the surgery to prevent the jaw pain but i didn't need it. my teeth were fine and there was no clenching/chattering so i was really grateful to the anesthesiologist for that. with lana i had a sore jaw for 3 days afterwards, and it seriously sucked.
jonah hajun (하준) choe was born at 5:56pm on saturday, 6/21/14. he weighed 6 pounds 13.3 oz and was 19.25 inches long (although according to the pediatrician at his 1 week visit, he's really 20.25 - he said the hospital staff don't really stretch the babies out to find their true length). they were right all along - he IS a big boy. he was born at almost 7 pounds even though he was 3 weeks early! i can't imagine how big he would've been had i gone to the scheduled c-section at the 39 week mark - maybe close to 9 pounds! the nurse said since he's early there's a possibility he'd come out looking a little limp, but he came out screaming his lungs out and looked healthy. he went to the regular nursery at first, but then his breathing got a bit shallow and fast so they sent him to the NICU just to be safe and monitor him. he got a little extra oxygen and was put in an incubator to keep his body warm. i was sad that he couldn't come to my room with me and just hearing "NICU" made me nervous, but the nurses and doctors assured me that he would be totally fine and that it was just the typical assistance that's given to babies who are slightly early but need help with transitioning to the outside world. they originally said he'd come to the normal nursery by tuesday but the doctor said sometimes his resting heartrate would drop for a few seconds here and there, so they decided it doesn't hurt to keep him in NICU and keep monitoring his heartrate while he's at the hospital. so jonah ended up staying in NICU the whole time we were at the hospital. i went down there for every feeding except for the two in the middle of the night so i could get some sleep. the NICU nurses are seriously so so awesome. it's not easy to have a baby and then not be with him constantly, but i felt so much better and at ease after meeting the NICU nurses and seeing how lovingly they cared for jonah. i definitely want to send something to them as a thank you gift - nurses out there, what's a good gift? home-baked cookies? haha.
after the c-section, i went to the recovery room. you don't get moved up to the regular postpartum room until some of the anesthesia wears off and you can move your legs. just an hour after he was born, jonah nursed like a champ, like lana. he nursed for a full hour! while jonah was nursing, there was a bit of a commotion in the down-there area - apparently, i had some excessive bleeding and passed a couple big blood clots so the doctors were concerned for a bit, but after i got put on some meds to accelerate contractions, they said everything started to look normal. the next day my OB said i lost a liter of blood and was really anemic - my hemoglobin count was really low. i believed it because that whole day i felt really weak, confused and generally just out of it, and on sunday night i almost fainted. i loaded up on steak while at the hospital to get more iron and i also got put on iron pills.
jonah and i came home wednesday afternoon. we went to the pediatrician for his 1 week appointment on friday (technically, he was 6 days old). our peds said he spoke to the neonatologist at hackensack and got all the info about him being in NICU. after examining him, he said he won't even treat jonah like a preterm baby because he looks perfect. :) he weighed in at 6 lbs 12oz so he had already gained back the weight that he lost after being born. he is eating, sleeping, peeing and pooing well, though much to our dismay his days and nights seem to be a bit mixed up. lana is doing pretty well too. she loves her baby brother and always wants to help which is cute but annoying haha. she really misses/is jealous for my attention though, which is so sad. i try to give her as much attention as i can but it's so hard between feeding/taking care of jonah, trying to get in the naps i desperately need and dealing with my own body's recovery. she's also definitely shown moments of acting out - she does things that she knows are wrong to get our attention (like drawing with crayons on our staircase...). but overall i think she's adjusting as well as any almost-3 year old could when faced with the situation of having their world flipped upside down, haha. we are also surviving because my mom is doing everything for us. she is cooking amazing food (and oh, my appetite is back and raging - hormones are such a scary thing), taking care of lana, cleaning when the nanny's not around (our nanny comes every day for 3-4 hours), etc etc. i love my mom!
the big question i had before having the baby was whether i'd experience pelvic pain afterwards. it's hard to tell - i'm still on percocet and motrin round-the-clock, so we'll see when i stop taking them. but for now, i don't really feel the pelvic pain. maybe it's because it's gone, or maybe it's there but i just don't notice it because of the pain meds + the c-section pain is overshadowing it. we'll see. we are so thankful and praise God for a smooth delivery and a healthy baby, and thanks to everyone for all your support and prayers during the pregnancy. having a boy is sooo different (the circumcision almost made SH cry - i left the room entirely) but it's so wonderful. can't wait for everyone to meet him!! :D
i woke up early saturday morning around 6am with intense lower back and lower abdominal pain on my right side. it didn't feel like normal pregnancy pains, so i had an inkling it might be labor but i had also been having a lot of braxton hicks so didn't believe it was real at first. SH massaged my back for an hour and i was able to fall back asleep for a while. i woke up around 9am and felt much better - the pain had subsided for the most part - but then i started experiencing contractions. i tried timing them but they weren't consistent. 5 minutes apart, then 7, then 9, then 12, then back down to 7, etc. and they never lasted more than several seconds. i ate breakfast and tried to ride them out for a bit in case they were fake, but at around 10:30am they still hadn't gone away and they were getting painful, so i decided to call my OB just in case. she said to go the hospital so she can be sure it isn't real labor. i took a shower, grabbed the hospital bag, and SH and i went to hackensack hospital at around 11:30am.
as soon as i got there, i got hooked up to an IV. they said my urine test showed i was a little dehydrated, and dehydration can cause contractions so they were trying to get more fluids in me. since i was still early (36 weeks, 6 days) they were trying to avoid labor if possible. at my OB appointment two days before, my OB was concerned because i had low levels of amniotic fluid. she told me to drink as much water as possible, so i had been guzzling water as much as i could but apparently, to my surprise, i was still a little dehydrated. while on the IV the resident checked my dilation and said i was barely dilated. after about two hours on the IV, they waited to see if my contractions calmed down. if they did, i'd go back home. but the contractions actually got way worse right after finishing the IV, and when the resident came back to check on me, i had dilated to 1-2cm. the nurse called my doctor who then said in light of the stronger contractions, she wanted to get the baby out. SH and i looked at each other like o_O. i guess we both knew it was a possibility that i'd have the baby that day, but since i had had a false alarm before, we were thinking it might just be another one.
the hospital staff then started prepping for delivery. since it was a saturday, my OB wasn't working. we had to wait for her to come, as well as the other OB staff on call. the OB nurse on call came in and introduced herself. she then asked if i already have a baby, so i told her lana was born at hackensack almost 3 years ago. she says, "i knew you looked familiar!" turns out, she was my nurse for lana too! i'm usually really good with faces but i guess when you're confronted with l&d that's the last thing your brain remembers. she was seriously the best - so warm, friendly, comforting, supportive. so she starts preparing, and at one point she called my OB to find out where she was. OB said "i'll be there in 5 minutes." but 15 minutes later, she still hadn't arrived. when she finally got there, she said "i got a ticket!!" i felt so bad. she said the cop was a jerk and gave her a ticket even though she has MD plates and said she had an emergency c-section to get to. ?!?! she said he said "yeah yeah i'm sure you do, i hear that all the time." Well maybe you hear that all the time because it's true, because you're a cop in hackensack which has one of the biggest hospitals in the area! ugh. it's nearing the end of the month isn't it? someone's gotz quotas to fill...
anyway, so i got wheeled into the OR at around 5ish. everything went well. i spoke with the anesthesiologist beforehand and told him i have a high tolerance to anesthesia and that i had major teeth clenching/chattering with the last c-section, so he said he'd give me extra drugs and something to help with the clenching. this time, i wore my hockey mouthguard during the surgery to prevent the jaw pain but i didn't need it. my teeth were fine and there was no clenching/chattering so i was really grateful to the anesthesiologist for that. with lana i had a sore jaw for 3 days afterwards, and it seriously sucked.
jonah hajun (하준) choe was born at 5:56pm on saturday, 6/21/14. he weighed 6 pounds 13.3 oz and was 19.25 inches long (although according to the pediatrician at his 1 week visit, he's really 20.25 - he said the hospital staff don't really stretch the babies out to find their true length). they were right all along - he IS a big boy. he was born at almost 7 pounds even though he was 3 weeks early! i can't imagine how big he would've been had i gone to the scheduled c-section at the 39 week mark - maybe close to 9 pounds! the nurse said since he's early there's a possibility he'd come out looking a little limp, but he came out screaming his lungs out and looked healthy. he went to the regular nursery at first, but then his breathing got a bit shallow and fast so they sent him to the NICU just to be safe and monitor him. he got a little extra oxygen and was put in an incubator to keep his body warm. i was sad that he couldn't come to my room with me and just hearing "NICU" made me nervous, but the nurses and doctors assured me that he would be totally fine and that it was just the typical assistance that's given to babies who are slightly early but need help with transitioning to the outside world. they originally said he'd come to the normal nursery by tuesday but the doctor said sometimes his resting heartrate would drop for a few seconds here and there, so they decided it doesn't hurt to keep him in NICU and keep monitoring his heartrate while he's at the hospital. so jonah ended up staying in NICU the whole time we were at the hospital. i went down there for every feeding except for the two in the middle of the night so i could get some sleep. the NICU nurses are seriously so so awesome. it's not easy to have a baby and then not be with him constantly, but i felt so much better and at ease after meeting the NICU nurses and seeing how lovingly they cared for jonah. i definitely want to send something to them as a thank you gift - nurses out there, what's a good gift? home-baked cookies? haha.
after the c-section, i went to the recovery room. you don't get moved up to the regular postpartum room until some of the anesthesia wears off and you can move your legs. just an hour after he was born, jonah nursed like a champ, like lana. he nursed for a full hour! while jonah was nursing, there was a bit of a commotion in the down-there area - apparently, i had some excessive bleeding and passed a couple big blood clots so the doctors were concerned for a bit, but after i got put on some meds to accelerate contractions, they said everything started to look normal. the next day my OB said i lost a liter of blood and was really anemic - my hemoglobin count was really low. i believed it because that whole day i felt really weak, confused and generally just out of it, and on sunday night i almost fainted. i loaded up on steak while at the hospital to get more iron and i also got put on iron pills.
jonah and i came home wednesday afternoon. we went to the pediatrician for his 1 week appointment on friday (technically, he was 6 days old). our peds said he spoke to the neonatologist at hackensack and got all the info about him being in NICU. after examining him, he said he won't even treat jonah like a preterm baby because he looks perfect. :) he weighed in at 6 lbs 12oz so he had already gained back the weight that he lost after being born. he is eating, sleeping, peeing and pooing well, though much to our dismay his days and nights seem to be a bit mixed up. lana is doing pretty well too. she loves her baby brother and always wants to help which is cute but annoying haha. she really misses/is jealous for my attention though, which is so sad. i try to give her as much attention as i can but it's so hard between feeding/taking care of jonah, trying to get in the naps i desperately need and dealing with my own body's recovery. she's also definitely shown moments of acting out - she does things that she knows are wrong to get our attention (like drawing with crayons on our staircase...). but overall i think she's adjusting as well as any almost-3 year old could when faced with the situation of having their world flipped upside down, haha. we are also surviving because my mom is doing everything for us. she is cooking amazing food (and oh, my appetite is back and raging - hormones are such a scary thing), taking care of lana, cleaning when the nanny's not around (our nanny comes every day for 3-4 hours), etc etc. i love my mom!
the big question i had before having the baby was whether i'd experience pelvic pain afterwards. it's hard to tell - i'm still on percocet and motrin round-the-clock, so we'll see when i stop taking them. but for now, i don't really feel the pelvic pain. maybe it's because it's gone, or maybe it's there but i just don't notice it because of the pain meds + the c-section pain is overshadowing it. we'll see. we are so thankful and praise God for a smooth delivery and a healthy baby, and thanks to everyone for all your support and prayers during the pregnancy. having a boy is sooo different (the circumcision almost made SH cry - i left the room entirely) but it's so wonderful. can't wait for everyone to meet him!! :D
Sunday, June 8, 2014
35 weeks. one month to go // the rangers might induce labor
today marks 35 weeks. as of yesterday, exactly one month to go till 7/7/14, and as of tomorrow, exactly 4 weeks to go. i talked to my OB who recommended i stop working soon since i told her that it's getting really hard to sit through a work day (even though i work mostly from the comfort of my new recliner, which i bought a few weeks ago and which is awesomeness). so my last day of work is this coming friday, 6/13 and i'll be on short term disability for three weeks before the c-section date. if you're in the area and want to hang out, come over! i'll be home in my pjs rocking the beached whale look and getting angry watching homeowners complain on hgtv that $200,000 is too expensive for a 4br house.
some other things to note:
-- upon a friend's recommendation, i got a temporary handicap parking placard. it has made life so much easier. i try not to go out too much, but sometimes a girl needs some air (or ice cream, or both). and the parking placard makes going somewhere less challenging. anyone want to go to garden state plaza?! i feel like i need to use it there at least once, just to take advantage of it! not that i can walk around the mall. anyone want to go to garden state plaza and have a spare wheelchair? -_-
-- i had an OB appointment on friday. i think there's something wrong with the scale at the doctor's office, but it said i was 125 (when two weeks ago it said 127?). so i'm now about +10-12 pounds. baby's head is down, and doc said everything's looking good.
-- my uncle lives in an apartment complex that has a pool so my mom and i took lana yesterday. when i went into the pool, it was the first time in maybe almost three months i didn't feel some sort of pelvic pain. it was amazing to get some of the pressure off my back, feet and belly and feel weightless. even afterwards i felt less pain for a while.
-- i still go to the chiropractor 1-2x a week. he has a wellness center, so whenever i go, i get chiropractic care, 15 minutes of massage therapy, 15 minutes of physical therapy and acupuncture. it's a great practice (dr. eugene lee in edgewater, if anyone wants to check it out). sometimes it's hard to realize the difference it's making right away, but i definitely notice it when i don't go for several days. also, i've noticed that the acupuncture in particular has made a big difference for my legs. with lana, i used to get charley horses all the time - i'd wake up screaming with golf ball sized cramps in my calves until sh massaged them away. this time around, i've only gotten one charley horse so far. i notice after going to the chiro that my legs are less crampy feeling and more relaxed. just a tip for my prego friends out there, esp. if you find yourself experiencing a lot of leg pain. it might be helpful for you.
-- we're slowly continuing to prep for baby boy's arrival. just in case he comes early, i've started packing my hospital bag. (in it, a hockey mouthguard to use during the c-section. with lana, i had such bad clenching/chattering that my jaw hurt for a couple days afterwards.) i'm buying a cosleeper from a friend to use for the first few months. we bought some diapers (it's been a nice couple months of diaperlessness while it lasted). i bought this cart from ikea to use as a diaper/clothes/etc. caddy for baby:
-- now that the end is sort of in sight, i'm starting to really want certain things and i CAN'T WAIT for this pregnancy to be over so i can get back to them. things i miss (in no particular order): 1. my normal body, 2. my normal clothes (oh cinched waist dresses how i miss you), 3. being able to move without pain, 4. BEER/WINE, 5. gorging on sushi (i already have a date with fellow prego Kay to do this soon after the babies are out, husbands optional).
in other news, the rangers may seriously induce labor. i was definitely in some pain after last night's (utterly disappointing) game because it seems i forget i can't really move and i jump up whenever we score or almost score. -_- how awesome would it be if i could say "hey baby boy, the year you were born, the rangers won the cup." sigh.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
33 weeks. false alarm.
today marks 33 weeks. c-section date is 6 weeks away, but we had a bit of a scary false alarm today. since yesterday evening, i started feeling tightening in my belly that was uncomfortable. i knew they weren't real contractions, but they were really unpleasant and accompanied by back pain that sort of felt like back labor. i figured i should just wait it out a little bit to see how i felt, because if they were real, it'd eventually become obvious in the form of more regular and increasingly intense contractions. if they weren't real and were just braxton hicks, they'd eventually go away. i was also exhausted so i wanted to get some rest. so i went to bed, but i ended up waking up every 30 min to 2 hours all night - the contractions kept waking me up. and i think stello didn't like them either because he kept moving every time they happened, which kept me up even more. at some point during the night they also started getting a little painful. i tried to get more sleep but at around 6:45am i gave up and called my OB. she wanted to err on the side of caution so she told me to go to the hospital.
we went to the hospital at around 7:30. they hooked me up to the monitors to check for contractions and also did an FFN test which apparently is some sort of indicator as to whether you're likely to go into preterm labor. the FFN test came back negative, and the monitor picked up a couple mild contractions but otherwise the nurse said it seemed more like the uterus was just doing practice "exercises." i talked to my OB afterwards and she said it's not real labor and everything looks fine, so i should just go home and rest. i was so freaked out that i'd be giving birth so early, so thank jesus it was a false alarm. as much as i joke that i want the baby out, no one wants to go into preterm labor. but now it seems another thing has been added to this already-full pregnancy plate of mine because on top of the pelvic pain, these fake contractions are pretty exhausting. all day the top of my belly tightens and cramps and there doesn't seem to be anything i can do to make them go away. if anyone has any tips or has any stories of similar experiences, i'd greatly appreciate it - they're driving me mad! the back pain is a little better but it comes and goes (which is why i really thought i was going into labor). it's a good thing stello is my second - if he were my first, i'm pretty sure he'd be an only child with how hard this pregnancy is. makes me really feel for moms who carry multiples or have way worse complications than the ones i'm experiencing. i guess it's not an easy task, this business of making people.
with this new development i wonder how much longer i can work. my OB said she would sign my short term disability form any time...i'm going to try to last as long as possible esp. since i'm basically working from home every day now, but i do feel like i'm going to get to a point soon where even sitting and working at the computer will get really hard. jesus please let these next 6 weeks go by fast!
last OB appointment was this past friday. i've gained 11 pounds now. baby looks good, but doc said i could drink more water because she wants to see more amniotic fluid.
hubs said maybe we should get the hospital bag packed now, just to have it ready. i wonder if baby will come early because of these fake contractions? not sure if there's any correlation, but it just feels like my body is already getting ready. i just realized i haven't posted a bump picture in so long. just take my word for it, i'm huge!
we went to the hospital at around 7:30. they hooked me up to the monitors to check for contractions and also did an FFN test which apparently is some sort of indicator as to whether you're likely to go into preterm labor. the FFN test came back negative, and the monitor picked up a couple mild contractions but otherwise the nurse said it seemed more like the uterus was just doing practice "exercises." i talked to my OB afterwards and she said it's not real labor and everything looks fine, so i should just go home and rest. i was so freaked out that i'd be giving birth so early, so thank jesus it was a false alarm. as much as i joke that i want the baby out, no one wants to go into preterm labor. but now it seems another thing has been added to this already-full pregnancy plate of mine because on top of the pelvic pain, these fake contractions are pretty exhausting. all day the top of my belly tightens and cramps and there doesn't seem to be anything i can do to make them go away. if anyone has any tips or has any stories of similar experiences, i'd greatly appreciate it - they're driving me mad! the back pain is a little better but it comes and goes (which is why i really thought i was going into labor). it's a good thing stello is my second - if he were my first, i'm pretty sure he'd be an only child with how hard this pregnancy is. makes me really feel for moms who carry multiples or have way worse complications than the ones i'm experiencing. i guess it's not an easy task, this business of making people.
with this new development i wonder how much longer i can work. my OB said she would sign my short term disability form any time...i'm going to try to last as long as possible esp. since i'm basically working from home every day now, but i do feel like i'm going to get to a point soon where even sitting and working at the computer will get really hard. jesus please let these next 6 weeks go by fast!
last OB appointment was this past friday. i've gained 11 pounds now. baby looks good, but doc said i could drink more water because she wants to see more amniotic fluid.
hubs said maybe we should get the hospital bag packed now, just to have it ready. i wonder if baby will come early because of these fake contractions? not sure if there's any correlation, but it just feels like my body is already getting ready. i just realized i haven't posted a bump picture in so long. just take my word for it, i'm huge!
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